Sex Midget

It's the latest thing...everybody's doing it...you don't want to be square do you?

Current mood: giggly

It's the latest thing... do you remember when it was the rage to be a brain-dead female celebrity with a tiny dog or a tribble or whatever, scotch taped to your arm?


Yeah, well, there's a new rage, and I'm starting it.


Tired of those unwanted guests and those friends who wont leave after the party has long ago ended?


Be like me, buy a Sex Midget™!


In fact, I'm going out to buy another one today!


One just isn't enough when you have a lot of relatives or big parties to throw. Don't get caught throwing a labor day party this year without your new Sex Midget™!

I keep mine in the closet next to my vacuum.

They are GREAT at getting rid of that unwanted company or those pesky door to door salesmen, not to mention those mundane Mormon Missionaries. (That was a triple-M word alliteration, and I think it should be worth a lot in Scrabble. But they don't award you for alliteration, or for more than one word. F'ing Rules.)


I just let him out when I want my company to leave, and damn if that little tyke doesn't come storming out of that closet headed for the first stranger he sees.


He's like a dog in heat.


Before my guests even know what's happening they have a Sex Midget™ dry humping their leg and holding on like a rodeo cowboy!


If he gets his diaper off before I let him out, there is nothing "dry" about the humping...so watch the fuck out!


I just mix a Cialis into his bowl of food every 36 hours and he is like a little sexual cyclone when he comes out of my closet.


He can clear a room faster than a Yoko Ono song!


I know the Sex Midget™ hasn't been approved by the FDA, which is ok, because you're not supposed to eat him...Fat Bastard! Jeez!


And I know it's against the Geneva Convention to keep a Sex Midget™ in a closet, but really, is there a faster way to get rid of your husband's fat, drunk ,snoring friend on your living room couch?


Convienently, most dog leashes will work on the Sex Midget™, so you have the option to keep him in the back yard or take him on walks. They really enjoy the walks...especially when you run into people you don't want to talk to.


If you accidently get a female Sex Midget™, you can usually return it for a 1/4 refund or trade in. Usually they will not refund your money if the Sex Midget™ has been sodomized.


Another useful idea, is to dress her up really nice, in one of those old fashioned dresses and teach her to sit still in a small chair in the corner, so that she looks like one of those creepy little dolls.


Sorry Demi Moore, Ashton showed me your Dolls and they are creepy...you should just get some female Sex Midgets™. They're moveable too. You can pose them any way you want.


Everybody's doing it...


Warning: Sex Midget™ is not a "little person". Sex Midget™ is a "little person" who has been denied basic civil liberties, an education. and instead, hyper sexualized through an intense training system started at birth. Dont settle for imitations, or do it yourself jobs, get your Sex Midget™ at authorized dealers.


©India Summer