This is an experiment that takes us to the limits. Not to think at all, when one is wide awake and in full possession of one's faculties, cannot be achieved, or only for brief intervals. So it can only be attempted. Some attempts are short-lived, some go further. Some come close, others less so, to the impossible goal. Some brush it, others only glimpse it on the horizon.
Why is not-thinking impossible? The experience of it would remove us from the sphere of the human, it would allow us to escape the incessant babble of language. We would tumble into a state of stupefaction, into pure, moment-to-moment, animal life. Or else, which is possibly the same thing, we would fall into the divine, the bottomless, abyssal silence. It may be that thought is a patchwork thing existing in-between. Not quite divine, and not quite stupefaction. It may be a way of rowing between eternity and the instant. Or between silence and words, presence and absence, being and non-being, etc.
In any case, thinking cannot be arrested definitively. It's more a matter of temporary interruptions, circumscribed parentheses. These are possible, and worth experimenting with. To launch into this, you must take it little by little, in measured stages. It is vital, first of all, that you don't tense up, that you let yourself go. Willpower, here, can only act obliquely and indirectly. What we're dealing with is not an achievable project, for it's obviously of no help to think that we are not thinking. It's better to know in advance that we are going to fail. That we shall be, at one moment or another, caught thinking. Failure is certain. Therefore any progress is of value.
The most effective training consists of letting your thoughts flow by. Don't stop them (impossible) but don't hold onto them (possible). Observe them as you do passing clouds, far off and inevitable. Imitate the indifference of the sky. Persevere in remaining yourself unclouded, and pay no attention to what is passing by. Remain at one remove, somewhere below the frame, your eyes open up on what is in front of you. And that is all. Sensations still exist (colors, lights, breath, your skin, your muscles, noises off) but don't integrate them into your consciousness, still less into an idea or argument. And finally, occasionally, in snatches, you may manage to move forward into the clear sky, into the empty light, where there is no disturbance and no form.
The brief successes can have substantial consequences. Repercussions that go way beyond the moments during which they occur. Even one such success will have a lasting effect.
Duration: 10, then 20, then 30 minutes
Props: None
Effect: Void
Astonish Yourself! Roger-Pol Droit
A rose by any other name is still meditation. (India)
India Summer
Friday, August 13, 2010
Sunday, August 8, 2010
What did I tell you was happening on the plane trip back! Told you so...
Thursday, June 03, 2010
What did I tell you was going on, on the plane trip back? I told you...
Bill Clinton's redemption is complete. Nearly a year after the former president negotiated the release of two Current TV reporters in North Korea, one of them, Laura Ling, has honored Clinton by naming her new baby after him.
According to People's Cynthia Wang
Ling, along with her colleague Euna Lee, was detained for five months last year after the North Korean military arrested them as they were reporting along the country's border with China. Accused of spying and illegally crossing the border, the women were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a government detention camp, but last August, Clinton negotiated their release.
Ling is still tight with the former prez, telling People that Clinton had followed up with her. "He has checked in on me several times to see how I'm doing and has been so concerned and caring, " Ling said. "He's such a wonderful human being."
What did I tell you was going on, on the plane trip back? I told you...
Bill Clinton's redemption is complete. Nearly a year after the former president negotiated the release of two Current TV reporters in North Korea, one of them, Laura Ling, has honored Clinton by naming her new baby after him.
According to People's Cynthia Wang
Ling, along with her colleague Euna Lee, was detained for five months last year after the North Korean military arrested them as they were reporting along the country's border with China. Accused of spying and illegally crossing the border, the women were sentenced to 12 years of hard labor in a government detention camp, but last August, Clinton negotiated their release.
Ling is still tight with the former prez, telling People that Clinton had followed up with her. "He has checked in on me several times to see how I'm doing and has been so concerned and caring, " Ling said. "He's such a wonderful human being."
Tourists and Young Americans; Stop hiking next to the North Korean and Iranian borders
Wednesday, August 05, 2009
Tourists and Young Americans; Stop hiking next to the North Korean and Iranian borders
Current mood: happy
How happy we are that the two girls were released and sent home from North Korea. I saw the updates last night on the news and realized they would be flying back into the country right over me this morning. I didn't see their news conference or statement until late tonight... and naturally, my emotions overwhelmed me and I burst out laughing.
One of the girls was describing... I think it was Laura Ling, (of North Hollywood) how they thought they were going to be transferred to a hard labor camp and that they were then told they were going to a meeting. They were taken to a room and when they walked in they saw "standing before us, President Bill Clinton with the biggest shit-eating grin and boner you've ever seen!".... And then she was thinking...."Oh my God, Bill Clinton did all this just to get a blow job from us, what an asshole!...I would've been an intern for free!" And then she realized it wasn't all an elaborate, well orchestrated sexual kidnapping in order to get a blowjob for Bubba from a couple of hot asian girls, away from the watchful eyes of Hillary.
Laura realized it, but she was so freakin happy, she gave Bill a sloppy hummer anyway. Bill Clinton! The man! Swoops in, rescues two asian hotties and probably has a nasty 3 way on the personal jet all the way back to Burbank. Fuckin' A. God I wish I could direct this movie.
As happy as I am (listen to me whistle "zippity doo-dah" out of my butt) I have a hard time getting emotionally invested in young American citizens who are dumb enough to "accidently" hike into North Korea or Iran.
You know what I would think if I was Iranian or North Korean security? "Tourist my ass, reporter my ass, you are f'ing CIA!" Then I'd kill you or use you as a bargaining chip.
I don't want to be that mean, I'm not sure if I could be, so I choose to do porn instead of national security. If I feel mean, I can do BDSM and be the Dom or just be really bitchy and cruel to my spouse.
PSA: Parent's, Please keep your children away from the borders of countries that are convinced we are about to invade them. Please, please stop leaving your adult children unattended near international borders.
Please copy that and give it to all the parents you know who have children that like to hike near hostile international borders.
©India Summer
Tourists and Young Americans; Stop hiking next to the North Korean and Iranian borders
Current mood: happy
How happy we are that the two girls were released and sent home from North Korea. I saw the updates last night on the news and realized they would be flying back into the country right over me this morning. I didn't see their news conference or statement until late tonight... and naturally, my emotions overwhelmed me and I burst out laughing.
One of the girls was describing... I think it was Laura Ling, (of North Hollywood) how they thought they were going to be transferred to a hard labor camp and that they were then told they were going to a meeting. They were taken to a room and when they walked in they saw "standing before us, President Bill Clinton with the biggest shit-eating grin and boner you've ever seen!".... And then she was thinking...."Oh my God, Bill Clinton did all this just to get a blow job from us, what an asshole!...I would've been an intern for free!" And then she realized it wasn't all an elaborate, well orchestrated sexual kidnapping in order to get a blowjob for Bubba from a couple of hot asian girls, away from the watchful eyes of Hillary.
Laura realized it, but she was so freakin happy, she gave Bill a sloppy hummer anyway. Bill Clinton! The man! Swoops in, rescues two asian hotties and probably has a nasty 3 way on the personal jet all the way back to Burbank. Fuckin' A. God I wish I could direct this movie.
As happy as I am (listen to me whistle "zippity doo-dah" out of my butt) I have a hard time getting emotionally invested in young American citizens who are dumb enough to "accidently" hike into North Korea or Iran.
You know what I would think if I was Iranian or North Korean security? "Tourist my ass, reporter my ass, you are f'ing CIA!" Then I'd kill you or use you as a bargaining chip.
I don't want to be that mean, I'm not sure if I could be, so I choose to do porn instead of national security. If I feel mean, I can do BDSM and be the Dom or just be really bitchy and cruel to my spouse.
PSA: Parent's, Please keep your children away from the borders of countries that are convinced we are about to invade them. Please, please stop leaving your adult children unattended near international borders.
Please copy that and give it to all the parents you know who have children that like to hike near hostile international borders.
©India Summer
Bubba to the rescue
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Breaking News
Current mood: grateful
Some news reports leaked from Bill Clinton's humanitarian mission to North Korea reported that Mr.Clinton carried a secret message for North Korean leader Kim Jong-il from President Obama. The Obama administration denied the report.
After partying with Bubba from 4am to about 5 minutes ago, I can now report on the secret negotiations. It turns out it wasn't a secret message of appeasement. It was an XBOX 360, a copy of "Drill, Baby, Drill" and a large altoids tin full of Viagra. I guess that's all Kim wanted.
Clinton and Kim Jong-il exchanged pleasantries through an interpreter. Kim Jong-il reportedly asked former President Clinton if he had heard Tiger Wood's roaring fart and stated that he thought Bill had poor taste in women. Bill, smiling and laughing, retorted that Kim was much too short to even be classified as a circus midget in the US and that he had a girl's name. He also said that only feminist-sissies spell their name with a hyphen and that if the last part of his name was an adjective, he forgot an "L". Then they rubbed their penis heads together, did a low 5, and Kim was out the door with his XBOX tucked firmly under his arm. Kim did wonder what the gooey smudge on "Drill, Baby, Drill" was from. Clinton just had that sloppy grin on his face.
That's the scoop. Reporting from Los Angeles this is India Summer.
©India Summer
Breaking News
Current mood: grateful
Some news reports leaked from Bill Clinton's humanitarian mission to North Korea reported that Mr.Clinton carried a secret message for North Korean leader Kim Jong-il from President Obama. The Obama administration denied the report.
After partying with Bubba from 4am to about 5 minutes ago, I can now report on the secret negotiations. It turns out it wasn't a secret message of appeasement. It was an XBOX 360, a copy of "Drill, Baby, Drill" and a large altoids tin full of Viagra. I guess that's all Kim wanted.
Clinton and Kim Jong-il exchanged pleasantries through an interpreter. Kim Jong-il reportedly asked former President Clinton if he had heard Tiger Wood's roaring fart and stated that he thought Bill had poor taste in women. Bill, smiling and laughing, retorted that Kim was much too short to even be classified as a circus midget in the US and that he had a girl's name. He also said that only feminist-sissies spell their name with a hyphen and that if the last part of his name was an adjective, he forgot an "L". Then they rubbed their penis heads together, did a low 5, and Kim was out the door with his XBOX tucked firmly under his arm. Kim did wonder what the gooey smudge on "Drill, Baby, Drill" was from. Clinton just had that sloppy grin on his face.
That's the scoop. Reporting from Los Angeles this is India Summer.
©India Summer
Breaking News!
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Breaking News (update)
Breaking News!
The News is broken! We have nothing legitimate or honest to report.
This just in...all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put legitimate news back together again.
Reporting and dispensing mis-information, this is your trusted reporter, India Summer
©IndiaSummer
Breaking News (update)
Breaking News!
The News is broken! We have nothing legitimate or honest to report.
This just in...all the King's horses and all the King's men couldn't put legitimate news back together again.
Reporting and dispensing mis-information, this is your trusted reporter, India Summer
©IndiaSummer
What I like about Stairs
What I like about stairs
Current mood: drunk
You know what I like about stairs? They serve two purposes. I'm not just talking up and down...which I admit is pretty cool. I'm talking they function as stairs and chairs. If my apartment had a few more staircases I wouldn't even need to buy furniture.
I just had sex for the 2nd time today. Officially the first one is considered "work" and "performance" and "fun". It was a great scene, very comical-as intended to be, and fun to shoot. The director had great ideas for the shoot. The 2nd one was officially "making love" because it was my man. When I say "making love", I mean there is an extra special energy and vibration when I am with him. It is different than even having sex with the most outstanding porn stars. Magical. And I'm not complaining about either.
But I just squeezed moonchild's lemon so hard with my sex panther that he filled me with an entire glass of lemonade. I hope it's genetically modified with no seeds. Anyway...I went around the moon myself and I made a few orbits...I've had several orbits around the moon today.....I came so hard, so many times I felt like I lost weight. Good sex makes you need a new wardrobe, experience anti-gravity and really hungry. Jesus, I've got sex munchies.
I could barely walk afterwards...but I had to make it to the shower and perform the douche dance and rinse off. Gawd, I am so relaxed! I could barely stand, and by the time I turned the steamy shower off I had to grab a towel and take a seat on the stairs outside my bathroom door before I passed out...
I'm now recording the events of today, I'm seated and sipping water. I am fuck drunk.
I'm sorry, I promised to not talk about my sex life on here but I plead deliriousness.
©India Summer
Current mood: drunk
You know what I like about stairs? They serve two purposes. I'm not just talking up and down...which I admit is pretty cool. I'm talking they function as stairs and chairs. If my apartment had a few more staircases I wouldn't even need to buy furniture.
I just had sex for the 2nd time today. Officially the first one is considered "work" and "performance" and "fun". It was a great scene, very comical-as intended to be, and fun to shoot. The director had great ideas for the shoot. The 2nd one was officially "making love" because it was my man. When I say "making love", I mean there is an extra special energy and vibration when I am with him. It is different than even having sex with the most outstanding porn stars. Magical. And I'm not complaining about either.
But I just squeezed moonchild's lemon so hard with my sex panther that he filled me with an entire glass of lemonade. I hope it's genetically modified with no seeds. Anyway...I went around the moon myself and I made a few orbits...I've had several orbits around the moon today.....I came so hard, so many times I felt like I lost weight. Good sex makes you need a new wardrobe, experience anti-gravity and really hungry. Jesus, I've got sex munchies.
I could barely walk afterwards...but I had to make it to the shower and perform the douche dance and rinse off. Gawd, I am so relaxed! I could barely stand, and by the time I turned the steamy shower off I had to grab a towel and take a seat on the stairs outside my bathroom door before I passed out...
I'm now recording the events of today, I'm seated and sipping water. I am fuck drunk.
I'm sorry, I promised to not talk about my sex life on here but I plead deliriousness.
©India Summer
Tyrasaur Dinobanks
I thought they were extinct
Current mood: jolly
I used to study them in school. They told us they were extinct. But watching the television the other night, I realized that I may be onto a rare find.
I was studying this creature on tv. Let me describe it to you. It was over 20 feet tall, an aggressive flesh eater and had a pea sized brain. It walked upright and had a large mouth full of teeth. I couldn't believe my eyes...it really was a Tyrasaur! The long lost relative of the T-Rex. Do not "Bang the Gong"! We can't alert her to our prescence. She is aggressive, hungry and a fool unto herself. They try to keep her on stage at the studio. The stage lights seem to keep her relatively pacified and confused. Tyrasaur DinoBanks. Fierce and stupid. I'd say she was born for congress. She didn't just let out her inner-fierceness, she opened the entire flood gates of her inner moron.
I know I said this before, but I am so glad to have turned down an offer to appear on her daytime show. If I'm going to be ambushed, I'd prefer it not be by stupidity. Besides, they wouldn't let me take a bazooka on the show, and how in the hell else are you supposed to defend yourself against an angry, intellectually challenged, hungry, self-righteous Tyrasaur? You cannot reason with a Tyrasaur that smells blood!
Where in the fuck is Race Bannon when I need him?! It's hard to fight Tyra and her video editors by yourself... and they love trying to ambush unsuspecting pornstars, or as I call them, actors that specialize in Love Scenes.
Tyra, You are not the Queen of everything or the Boss of Me. Oprah is still the Queen. Queen Oprah. Your brother the "King of Pop", went all Van Gogh on us, cut off his nose and had his doctor try to put him into suspended animation. Everybody thinks it was murder or accidental, I think it was just a Disney inspired scientific experimentation gone wrong. Kids, do not inject Fruit Loops directly into your veins!
So did you get that Tyra? You're not the Queen, unless you include mean. I would be willing to grant you the title, "Queen of Mean". So we have Tyrasaur, "Queen of Mean", Queen Oprah, queen of the known universe, MJ, The King of Pop, and President Obama, the President. I am definitely starting to think we are getting this racism thing turned around. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!! What's gonna happen next? A hispanic woman as a Supreme Court Judge?
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph". That's an exclamation that I understand older Catholics use. I know someone who uses that exclamation and is considering using it for the name of his Folk music trio. You should check them out...they have a real edgy version of Kum-ba-ya. A twenty foot Tyrasaur posing as a high fashion model deserves a good "Jesus, Mary and Joe!" dontcha' think? I just brought that phrase into the new century by shortening it to just Joe. You're welcome.
That's what was going through my mind when I woke up a little while ago...Tyrasaur.
This Just in...Tyrasaur Wrecks stage in Los Angeles! Tyrasaur Wrecks...like T-Rex... did you get that one? Watch out Sarah Silverman...this is your last warning...have sex with me or I'm going into comedy. Naturally being a "pornstar" I'd prefer to do Lay-down comedy instead of Stand-up.
©India Summer
Current mood: jolly
I used to study them in school. They told us they were extinct. But watching the television the other night, I realized that I may be onto a rare find.
I was studying this creature on tv. Let me describe it to you. It was over 20 feet tall, an aggressive flesh eater and had a pea sized brain. It walked upright and had a large mouth full of teeth. I couldn't believe my eyes...it really was a Tyrasaur! The long lost relative of the T-Rex. Do not "Bang the Gong"! We can't alert her to our prescence. She is aggressive, hungry and a fool unto herself. They try to keep her on stage at the studio. The stage lights seem to keep her relatively pacified and confused. Tyrasaur DinoBanks. Fierce and stupid. I'd say she was born for congress. She didn't just let out her inner-fierceness, she opened the entire flood gates of her inner moron.
I know I said this before, but I am so glad to have turned down an offer to appear on her daytime show. If I'm going to be ambushed, I'd prefer it not be by stupidity. Besides, they wouldn't let me take a bazooka on the show, and how in the hell else are you supposed to defend yourself against an angry, intellectually challenged, hungry, self-righteous Tyrasaur? You cannot reason with a Tyrasaur that smells blood!
Where in the fuck is Race Bannon when I need him?! It's hard to fight Tyra and her video editors by yourself... and they love trying to ambush unsuspecting pornstars, or as I call them, actors that specialize in Love Scenes.
Tyra, You are not the Queen of everything or the Boss of Me. Oprah is still the Queen. Queen Oprah. Your brother the "King of Pop", went all Van Gogh on us, cut off his nose and had his doctor try to put him into suspended animation. Everybody thinks it was murder or accidental, I think it was just a Disney inspired scientific experimentation gone wrong. Kids, do not inject Fruit Loops directly into your veins!
So did you get that Tyra? You're not the Queen, unless you include mean. I would be willing to grant you the title, "Queen of Mean". So we have Tyrasaur, "Queen of Mean", Queen Oprah, queen of the known universe, MJ, The King of Pop, and President Obama, the President. I am definitely starting to think we are getting this racism thing turned around. Jesus, Mary and Joseph!!! What's gonna happen next? A hispanic woman as a Supreme Court Judge?
"Jesus, Mary and Joseph". That's an exclamation that I understand older Catholics use. I know someone who uses that exclamation and is considering using it for the name of his Folk music trio. You should check them out...they have a real edgy version of Kum-ba-ya. A twenty foot Tyrasaur posing as a high fashion model deserves a good "Jesus, Mary and Joe!" dontcha' think? I just brought that phrase into the new century by shortening it to just Joe. You're welcome.
That's what was going through my mind when I woke up a little while ago...Tyrasaur.
This Just in...Tyrasaur Wrecks stage in Los Angeles! Tyrasaur Wrecks...like T-Rex... did you get that one? Watch out Sarah Silverman...this is your last warning...have sex with me or I'm going into comedy. Naturally being a "pornstar" I'd prefer to do Lay-down comedy instead of Stand-up.
©India Summer
David Carradine's Last Phone Call
Saturday, August 08, 2009
David Carradine's Last Phone Call
Thai Restaurant: Sudsee's, ของ, วิธีฉันอาจช่วยให้คุณ? (Sudsee's How may I help you?)
David Carradine: Yes, this is David Carradine...you may know me as Grasshopper.
I heard you have wonderful Pad Thai and Tum Ki Ki soup.
Thai Restaurant: ใช่ใช่คุณต้องการ da # 5 พิเศษ? (Yes, Yes, you like da #5 Special?)
David: Sounds good, but I want to make sure the coconut milk in the Tum Ki Ki is fresh.
Thai Restaurant: เสียงดีแต่ฉันต้องการให้แน่ใจว่า cocomut นมในทัม Ki Ki เป็นสด. (Oh yes, coconut milk bery fresh today.)
David: Ok, good...then I'll take that and for dessert, I'd like your number 1 daughter to come over, strangle me to sexual completion and hang me up in the closet like the dry cleaning. And tell her I like the Red, Yellow and Green Currie mixed together and slathered on my balls.
Thai Restaurant: Ok...that 12 dollar. Delivery or carry out?
David: Delivery and I've got my own ropes.
Just kidding... You know I love David. Little known fact..I was in an offbeat Woody Allenesque mainstream movie with him..but not in the same scenes. National Lampoon's "Stoned Age" is the title. The really cool part was that in the movie I played a Gynacropolin. I'm guessing on that spelling. I was a member of an all female, amazonian tribe. Small part, big fun.
©India Summer
David Carradine's Last Phone Call
Thai Restaurant: Sudsee's, ของ, วิธีฉันอาจช่วยให้คุณ? (Sudsee's How may I help you?)
David Carradine: Yes, this is David Carradine...you may know me as Grasshopper.
I heard you have wonderful Pad Thai and Tum Ki Ki soup.
Thai Restaurant: ใช่ใช่คุณต้องการ da # 5 พิเศษ? (Yes, Yes, you like da #5 Special?)
David: Sounds good, but I want to make sure the coconut milk in the Tum Ki Ki is fresh.
Thai Restaurant: เสียงดีแต่ฉันต้องการให้แน่ใจว่า cocomut นมในทัม Ki Ki เป็นสด. (Oh yes, coconut milk bery fresh today.)
David: Ok, good...then I'll take that and for dessert, I'd like your number 1 daughter to come over, strangle me to sexual completion and hang me up in the closet like the dry cleaning. And tell her I like the Red, Yellow and Green Currie mixed together and slathered on my balls.
Thai Restaurant: Ok...that 12 dollar. Delivery or carry out?
David: Delivery and I've got my own ropes.
Just kidding... You know I love David. Little known fact..I was in an offbeat Woody Allenesque mainstream movie with him..but not in the same scenes. National Lampoon's "Stoned Age" is the title. The really cool part was that in the movie I played a Gynacropolin. I'm guessing on that spelling. I was a member of an all female, amazonian tribe. Small part, big fun.
©India Summer
Sex Midget
It's the latest thing...everybody's doing it...you don't want to be square do you?
Current mood: giggly
It's the latest thing... do you remember when it was the rage to be a brain-dead female celebrity with a tiny dog or a tribble or whatever, scotch taped to your arm?
Yeah, well, there's a new rage, and I'm starting it.
Tired of those unwanted guests and those friends who wont leave after the party has long ago ended?
Be like me, buy a Sex Midget™!
In fact, I'm going out to buy another one today!
One just isn't enough when you have a lot of relatives or big parties to throw. Don't get caught throwing a labor day party this year without your new Sex Midget™!
I keep mine in the closet next to my vacuum.
They are GREAT at getting rid of that unwanted company or those pesky door to door salesmen, not to mention those mundane Mormon Missionaries. (That was a triple-M word alliteration, and I think it should be worth a lot in Scrabble. But they don't award you for alliteration, or for more than one word. F'ing Rules.)
I just let him out when I want my company to leave, and damn if that little tyke doesn't come storming out of that closet headed for the first stranger he sees.
He's like a dog in heat.
Before my guests even know what's happening they have a Sex Midget™ dry humping their leg and holding on like a rodeo cowboy!
If he gets his diaper off before I let him out, there is nothing "dry" about the humping...so watch the fuck out!
I just mix a Cialis into his bowl of food every 36 hours and he is like a little sexual cyclone when he comes out of my closet.
He can clear a room faster than a Yoko Ono song!
I know the Sex Midget™ hasn't been approved by the FDA, which is ok, because you're not supposed to eat him...Fat Bastard! Jeez!
And I know it's against the Geneva Convention to keep a Sex Midget™ in a closet, but really, is there a faster way to get rid of your husband's fat, drunk ,snoring friend on your living room couch?
Convienently, most dog leashes will work on the Sex Midget™, so you have the option to keep him in the back yard or take him on walks. They really enjoy the walks...especially when you run into people you don't want to talk to.
If you accidently get a female Sex Midget™, you can usually return it for a 1/4 refund or trade in. Usually they will not refund your money if the Sex Midget™ has been sodomized.
Another useful idea, is to dress her up really nice, in one of those old fashioned dresses and teach her to sit still in a small chair in the corner, so that she looks like one of those creepy little dolls.
Sorry Demi Moore, Ashton showed me your Dolls and they are creepy...you should just get some female Sex Midgets™. They're moveable too. You can pose them any way you want.
Everybody's doing it...
Warning: Sex Midget™ is not a "little person". Sex Midget™ is a "little person" who has been denied basic civil liberties, an education. and instead, hyper sexualized through an intense training system started at birth. Dont settle for imitations, or do it yourself jobs, get your Sex Midget™ at authorized dealers.
©India Summer
Current mood: giggly
It's the latest thing... do you remember when it was the rage to be a brain-dead female celebrity with a tiny dog or a tribble or whatever, scotch taped to your arm?
Yeah, well, there's a new rage, and I'm starting it.
Tired of those unwanted guests and those friends who wont leave after the party has long ago ended?
Be like me, buy a Sex Midget™!
In fact, I'm going out to buy another one today!
One just isn't enough when you have a lot of relatives or big parties to throw. Don't get caught throwing a labor day party this year without your new Sex Midget™!
I keep mine in the closet next to my vacuum.
They are GREAT at getting rid of that unwanted company or those pesky door to door salesmen, not to mention those mundane Mormon Missionaries. (That was a triple-M word alliteration, and I think it should be worth a lot in Scrabble. But they don't award you for alliteration, or for more than one word. F'ing Rules.)
I just let him out when I want my company to leave, and damn if that little tyke doesn't come storming out of that closet headed for the first stranger he sees.
He's like a dog in heat.
Before my guests even know what's happening they have a Sex Midget™ dry humping their leg and holding on like a rodeo cowboy!
If he gets his diaper off before I let him out, there is nothing "dry" about the humping...so watch the fuck out!
I just mix a Cialis into his bowl of food every 36 hours and he is like a little sexual cyclone when he comes out of my closet.
He can clear a room faster than a Yoko Ono song!
I know the Sex Midget™ hasn't been approved by the FDA, which is ok, because you're not supposed to eat him...Fat Bastard! Jeez!
And I know it's against the Geneva Convention to keep a Sex Midget™ in a closet, but really, is there a faster way to get rid of your husband's fat, drunk ,snoring friend on your living room couch?
Convienently, most dog leashes will work on the Sex Midget™, so you have the option to keep him in the back yard or take him on walks. They really enjoy the walks...especially when you run into people you don't want to talk to.
If you accidently get a female Sex Midget™, you can usually return it for a 1/4 refund or trade in. Usually they will not refund your money if the Sex Midget™ has been sodomized.
Another useful idea, is to dress her up really nice, in one of those old fashioned dresses and teach her to sit still in a small chair in the corner, so that she looks like one of those creepy little dolls.
Sorry Demi Moore, Ashton showed me your Dolls and they are creepy...you should just get some female Sex Midgets™. They're moveable too. You can pose them any way you want.
Everybody's doing it...
Warning: Sex Midget™ is not a "little person". Sex Midget™ is a "little person" who has been denied basic civil liberties, an education. and instead, hyper sexualized through an intense training system started at birth. Dont settle for imitations, or do it yourself jobs, get your Sex Midget™ at authorized dealers.
©India Summer
Incest
Saturday, August 08, 2009
Incest
Current mood: cooky/wacky
A fan wrote me...
or maybe it was a law enforcement official.
Or both... I don't know...
Anyway... she or he asked me if I was into incest.
I said I used to be, but that's just "kid stuff" now...
Now, I'm into bi-sexual incestuous necrophilia.
It's kind of like when you stop drinking Kool Aid and start drinking Coke.
It's a moment to savor... I mean how often do you get the chance to fuck a dead relative?
Especially one that you are attracted to?
©India Summer (I had Steven Wright's voice in my head on that one)
George Carlin once said you can joke about anything. He used rape as an example. It's all about context. I don't know exactly what the "Hate Speech" amendement says, but it sounds like Orwellian BS to me. I quite like it when people use words to reveal exactly who they are. It's nature's way of saying..."look out for that asshole!" I don't think we should curb people from saying ignorant shit. When someone calls me a "Nigger Fucker" or a "dyke", I know that he is really angry and that he is probably...probably a racist or homophobic. So then...like..when I'm at the grocery store and I see him, I can dodge into a different isle before he screams at me again. And if he has a gun, I know I should hide from him...that guy...over there...the one that called me a "nigger-dyke-lover".
That was me being a smart ass and practicing "dark" humor in case you missed that. The first part was true, the rest was the smart ass/dark humor part. No! I didn't suffer incest or sexual abuse growing up! Nor have I fucked a dead relative. I don't mean "I can't recall..." I mean, I don't fuck my dead relatives or other people's relatives of that nature...meaning dead. I can't recall fucking anybody's dead relative. One time I fucked a guy named K%!@ in Des Moines. I thought he was dead or died soon after sex started. But it turns out he just fucked like he was dead. The four letter word for what we did is usually spelled F-U-C-K, but in this case it was spelled L-A-M-E.
Incest
Current mood: cooky/wacky
A fan wrote me...
or maybe it was a law enforcement official.
Or both... I don't know...
Anyway... she or he asked me if I was into incest.
I said I used to be, but that's just "kid stuff" now...
Now, I'm into bi-sexual incestuous necrophilia.
It's kind of like when you stop drinking Kool Aid and start drinking Coke.
It's a moment to savor... I mean how often do you get the chance to fuck a dead relative?
Especially one that you are attracted to?
©India Summer (I had Steven Wright's voice in my head on that one)
George Carlin once said you can joke about anything. He used rape as an example. It's all about context. I don't know exactly what the "Hate Speech" amendement says, but it sounds like Orwellian BS to me. I quite like it when people use words to reveal exactly who they are. It's nature's way of saying..."look out for that asshole!" I don't think we should curb people from saying ignorant shit. When someone calls me a "Nigger Fucker" or a "dyke", I know that he is really angry and that he is probably...probably a racist or homophobic. So then...like..when I'm at the grocery store and I see him, I can dodge into a different isle before he screams at me again. And if he has a gun, I know I should hide from him...that guy...over there...the one that called me a "nigger-dyke-lover".
That was me being a smart ass and practicing "dark" humor in case you missed that. The first part was true, the rest was the smart ass/dark humor part. No! I didn't suffer incest or sexual abuse growing up! Nor have I fucked a dead relative. I don't mean "I can't recall..." I mean, I don't fuck my dead relatives or other people's relatives of that nature...meaning dead. I can't recall fucking anybody's dead relative. One time I fucked a guy named K%!@ in Des Moines. I thought he was dead or died soon after sex started. But it turns out he just fucked like he was dead. The four letter word for what we did is usually spelled F-U-C-K, but in this case it was spelled L-A-M-E.
Nothing New Under the Sun
Monday, August 10, 2009
Nothing New Under the Sun
Current mood: giggly
I love that saying. So full of wisdom and words and letters. ...(trailing off)...con-so-nants and vow-els....man...such a good phrase...so wise...
"There's nothing new under the sun".
But that's just because they keep the new stuff in a cupboard, above and slightly behind the sun.
Some "New" stuff is also kept on Pluto, because it needs to be refrid-ge-rated... but most of it is in the cupboard above the Sun.
Pluto has lost some clout since being stripped of it's Planetary title, so now it's just, "The Biggest freezer in the solar system!" I don't think the change of titles helped Plutos' self-esteem much. Everytime I see old Pluto, it's the violins and ice cubes with him. I guess the solar system had to trim down in this tight economy too. They layed off Pluto. Shit, it's tough all over.
Anyway, that's where you get the new stuff. They don't tell you that in the Toll House cookie recipe...
A lot of people are unaware that there are new things and that that is where the new things come from.
(I'm so happy that I used the word "that", back to back. You don't get to do that very often and it almost sounds like you are speaking a foreign language when you say it fast. "That that". "I'd like the That-That with a side of rice and egg drop soup.
What's that? No thank you, I don't want a fortune cookie..I already know that there is a man being held captive in a Chinese fortune cookie company! Slave labor is awful, but I can't do anything about it from your restaurant, here in LA and with insufficent funds for a plane ticket to China. Also, I forgot my passport. Also, It so happens I have all my lucky numbers memorized. And it's just that I feel like I've had my fair share of fortune. I would just feel greedy taking that little cookie with all those Chinese children starving. Where is their cookie? Where is their fortune? Maybe you should send this cookie back to China.")
Oh, you didn't like that joke? It must have been the delivery.
It was born early and had apparently been suffering from malnutrition. Maybe we should incubate that joke. Maybe it was premature. A premature joke. Maybe the jokes' father was a premature ejaculator. Maybe it runs in the family.
How do you feel about that joke now? You feel bad for not laughing at it don't you?
You feel guilty now that you know how hard it was for that joke growing up.
You wish you would have laughed at him. There is nothing sadder than a joke that no one is laughing at.
That joke will be the little joke that takes his ball home from the playground to his mom crying and saying "All of the kids WEREN'T laughing at me!'
Last night I was talking to this guy called my "husband" or something.
I was telling him about my day out to the beach with my girlfriend. I told him we had had to traverse some dirt cliffs to get down to the beach.
(I love using "had" back to back, it's like getting two words for the price of three letters or like I got two portions of dessert for the price of one. I love recyclable words; so good for the environment)
He exclaims out, "Did you see any..."
And I'm thinking, here comes the obvious nude beach question...
"Did you see any dirt clods?"
Me: "Huh?"
Him: "Dirt Clods! You never hear about dirt clods anymore!...Where have all the dirt clods gone?"
Me: "What in the fuck are you talking about? Is that the new name for your band? I thought you were going with "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" for your new folk trio, "The Charlie Sheen Sex Machine Gene" for your edgy-contemporary group and "Osmium" for your heavy metal band."
Then I'm wondering... and yelling back at him, "Is this a rhetorical question?"
Fuck! I hate rhetorical questions!...I always answer them outloud before I realize they are rhetorical.
Him: "No! You know?... dirt clods! Didn't you guys ever throw dirt clods at each other when you were kids? Dirt clod fights...didn't you grow up on the outskirts of town like me?"
(Historical note; This was before 8 year olds were issued hand guns by our society..so I guess they used "dirt clods" instead)
And then it dawned on me. The missing piece of the puzzle. His family members would always tell me the good things about him. Like how he used to get "lost" for days at a time in the encyclopedia before he was even born. They never mentioned anything about dirt clods.
*Historical note for those of you under the age of 20. Encyclopedias were like very limited computers, where the information was stored on something called "paper" in a "book" which was somehow made from a tree.
We always thought it was a vast improvement over stone tablets and carving but we didn't know what we were missing until the computer came out of the cupbboard from above and slightly behind the sun.
Anyway... back to the story
He'd get a hall pass or more precisely, a Uterus Pass from his mom and she would walk over to the bookcase and he would crawl out of her...still attached by his umbilical cord...(he seems to remember it as "like taking space walks in a library") He would pick out an encyclopedia and then crawl back into his mothers womb, put on his book light and just get lost in those books.
He says that he liked the editions where they combined all the subjects of two letters into one volume. Like H-I. Hi. High. Hi. How are you? He said he got twice the amount of information with half the work.
Which leads me back to dirt clods. The missing link. Somethymes (you can use that as an adverb or a delicious spice in your cooking...just cut that word off the paper and put it into your stew or chili)...
I think the nature of all men who have a passing interest in intelligence and a fascination with war and violence can be explained by my dirt clod-encyclopedia theory.
It's not a form of bi-polar disease, it's nature. Men are creatures that can fully appreciate the knowledge
attained through encyclopedias and the unbridaled fun and complete stupidity of dirt clod fighting.
"It's all fun and games," my husband tells me "until there is a rock in the middle of one of those dirt clods."
You know how he figured that out? Pig in a blanket dirt clod to the forehead and "that's not ketchup running down your face..."
I don't know...maybe dirt clods and little boys are just reacting to that hunter-gatherer impulse or instinct.
Sometimes, nature just wells up in them..usually as a boner after the age of 4 but sometimes in the form of an overwhelming desire to pick up a dirt clod in front of them and chuck it at the other boy playing on the dirt mound, hopefully scoring a direct hit.
I get a lot of mail telling me how lucky and special that guy (my husband) is that lives with me. "Wow, you're husband must be a really smart, special guy to have won your heart..."
Don't kid yourself...
I'm sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you, but it's not that deep.
I married him for two reasons. 1) The first time we worked together he complimented my feet. And B) He gave me my first 2,000 orgasms.
I know...you're kicking yourself right? All you had to do was find me first, compliment my feet and make me cum for the first time. And then I'd be following you around like a lost puppy.
Of course, he won me, but he "kept" me by encouraging me to have sex with other people and to enjoy it. Plus, he never beats me up when I come home afterwards. Shit, any girl worth her salt will tell you "He's a keeper!" He almost never pees in the sink. Are you kidding me? Married to my best friend, get to have sex with other people and often, I get paid for it. Priceless! Is this a credit card commercial or what?
So, to recap: How to get the girl who is like me, or is me...
1) Compliment her feet
2) Give her lots of orgasms, if possible, give her-her first orgasm and repeat as necessary.
3) Be faithful to me in heart if not penis.
4) Encourage me to be unfaithful and to enjoy it.
5) Power tools adapted into sex toys.
That is my recipe for a healthy, happy marriage. You cannot buy that kind of advice on "The View" or from "Dr.Ruth". You're welcome!
And yes! I am proud I used "her" back to back. When I write "her-her", I feel like I'm having an all girl literal, literary 3-way in a sentence. You should try fucking in a sentence. Fucking is not just for beds these days!
©India Summer thinks she just channeled Mitch and Ellen and Steven.
Monday, August 10, 2009
That last Blog
Current mood: mischievous
Man, that last blog really got away from me. It started out as a joke about dirt clods and ended up as a thesis proving that for at least right now, neither the solar system or the economy is expanding.
The jury is still out on whether the Universe is expanding or contracting. We haven't got the unemployment figures from the Andromeda galaxy yet.
Then I got to thinking how bad it would suck to be a comedian doing a routine for a room full of women. How would you know if they were faking the laughing or not?
©India Summer
Nothing New Under the Sun
Current mood: giggly
I love that saying. So full of wisdom and words and letters. ...(trailing off)...con-so-nants and vow-els....man...such a good phrase...so wise...
"There's nothing new under the sun".
But that's just because they keep the new stuff in a cupboard, above and slightly behind the sun.
Some "New" stuff is also kept on Pluto, because it needs to be refrid-ge-rated... but most of it is in the cupboard above the Sun.
Pluto has lost some clout since being stripped of it's Planetary title, so now it's just, "The Biggest freezer in the solar system!" I don't think the change of titles helped Plutos' self-esteem much. Everytime I see old Pluto, it's the violins and ice cubes with him. I guess the solar system had to trim down in this tight economy too. They layed off Pluto. Shit, it's tough all over.
Anyway, that's where you get the new stuff. They don't tell you that in the Toll House cookie recipe...
A lot of people are unaware that there are new things and that that is where the new things come from.
(I'm so happy that I used the word "that", back to back. You don't get to do that very often and it almost sounds like you are speaking a foreign language when you say it fast. "That that". "I'd like the That-That with a side of rice and egg drop soup.
What's that? No thank you, I don't want a fortune cookie..I already know that there is a man being held captive in a Chinese fortune cookie company! Slave labor is awful, but I can't do anything about it from your restaurant, here in LA and with insufficent funds for a plane ticket to China. Also, I forgot my passport. Also, It so happens I have all my lucky numbers memorized. And it's just that I feel like I've had my fair share of fortune. I would just feel greedy taking that little cookie with all those Chinese children starving. Where is their cookie? Where is their fortune? Maybe you should send this cookie back to China.")
Oh, you didn't like that joke? It must have been the delivery.
It was born early and had apparently been suffering from malnutrition. Maybe we should incubate that joke. Maybe it was premature. A premature joke. Maybe the jokes' father was a premature ejaculator. Maybe it runs in the family.
How do you feel about that joke now? You feel bad for not laughing at it don't you?
You feel guilty now that you know how hard it was for that joke growing up.
You wish you would have laughed at him. There is nothing sadder than a joke that no one is laughing at.
That joke will be the little joke that takes his ball home from the playground to his mom crying and saying "All of the kids WEREN'T laughing at me!'
Last night I was talking to this guy called my "husband" or something.
I was telling him about my day out to the beach with my girlfriend. I told him we had had to traverse some dirt cliffs to get down to the beach.
(I love using "had" back to back, it's like getting two words for the price of three letters or like I got two portions of dessert for the price of one. I love recyclable words; so good for the environment)
He exclaims out, "Did you see any..."
And I'm thinking, here comes the obvious nude beach question...
"Did you see any dirt clods?"
Me: "Huh?"
Him: "Dirt Clods! You never hear about dirt clods anymore!...Where have all the dirt clods gone?"
Me: "What in the fuck are you talking about? Is that the new name for your band? I thought you were going with "Jesus, Mary and Joseph!" for your new folk trio, "The Charlie Sheen Sex Machine Gene" for your edgy-contemporary group and "Osmium" for your heavy metal band."
Then I'm wondering... and yelling back at him, "Is this a rhetorical question?"
Fuck! I hate rhetorical questions!...I always answer them outloud before I realize they are rhetorical.
Him: "No! You know?... dirt clods! Didn't you guys ever throw dirt clods at each other when you were kids? Dirt clod fights...didn't you grow up on the outskirts of town like me?"
(Historical note; This was before 8 year olds were issued hand guns by our society..so I guess they used "dirt clods" instead)
And then it dawned on me. The missing piece of the puzzle. His family members would always tell me the good things about him. Like how he used to get "lost" for days at a time in the encyclopedia before he was even born. They never mentioned anything about dirt clods.
*Historical note for those of you under the age of 20. Encyclopedias were like very limited computers, where the information was stored on something called "paper" in a "book" which was somehow made from a tree.
We always thought it was a vast improvement over stone tablets and carving but we didn't know what we were missing until the computer came out of the cupbboard from above and slightly behind the sun.
Anyway... back to the story
He'd get a hall pass or more precisely, a Uterus Pass from his mom and she would walk over to the bookcase and he would crawl out of her...still attached by his umbilical cord...(he seems to remember it as "like taking space walks in a library") He would pick out an encyclopedia and then crawl back into his mothers womb, put on his book light and just get lost in those books.
He says that he liked the editions where they combined all the subjects of two letters into one volume. Like H-I. Hi. High. Hi. How are you? He said he got twice the amount of information with half the work.
Which leads me back to dirt clods. The missing link. Somethymes (you can use that as an adverb or a delicious spice in your cooking...just cut that word off the paper and put it into your stew or chili)...
I think the nature of all men who have a passing interest in intelligence and a fascination with war and violence can be explained by my dirt clod-encyclopedia theory.
It's not a form of bi-polar disease, it's nature. Men are creatures that can fully appreciate the knowledge
attained through encyclopedias and the unbridaled fun and complete stupidity of dirt clod fighting.
"It's all fun and games," my husband tells me "until there is a rock in the middle of one of those dirt clods."
You know how he figured that out? Pig in a blanket dirt clod to the forehead and "that's not ketchup running down your face..."
I don't know...maybe dirt clods and little boys are just reacting to that hunter-gatherer impulse or instinct.
Sometimes, nature just wells up in them..usually as a boner after the age of 4 but sometimes in the form of an overwhelming desire to pick up a dirt clod in front of them and chuck it at the other boy playing on the dirt mound, hopefully scoring a direct hit.
I get a lot of mail telling me how lucky and special that guy (my husband) is that lives with me. "Wow, you're husband must be a really smart, special guy to have won your heart..."
Don't kid yourself...
I'm sorry, I don't mean to disappoint you, but it's not that deep.
I married him for two reasons. 1) The first time we worked together he complimented my feet. And B) He gave me my first 2,000 orgasms.
I know...you're kicking yourself right? All you had to do was find me first, compliment my feet and make me cum for the first time. And then I'd be following you around like a lost puppy.
Of course, he won me, but he "kept" me by encouraging me to have sex with other people and to enjoy it. Plus, he never beats me up when I come home afterwards. Shit, any girl worth her salt will tell you "He's a keeper!" He almost never pees in the sink. Are you kidding me? Married to my best friend, get to have sex with other people and often, I get paid for it. Priceless! Is this a credit card commercial or what?
So, to recap: How to get the girl who is like me, or is me...
1) Compliment her feet
2) Give her lots of orgasms, if possible, give her-her first orgasm and repeat as necessary.
3) Be faithful to me in heart if not penis.
4) Encourage me to be unfaithful and to enjoy it.
5) Power tools adapted into sex toys.
That is my recipe for a healthy, happy marriage. You cannot buy that kind of advice on "The View" or from "Dr.Ruth". You're welcome!
And yes! I am proud I used "her" back to back. When I write "her-her", I feel like I'm having an all girl literal, literary 3-way in a sentence. You should try fucking in a sentence. Fucking is not just for beds these days!
©India Summer thinks she just channeled Mitch and Ellen and Steven.
Monday, August 10, 2009
That last Blog
Current mood: mischievous
Man, that last blog really got away from me. It started out as a joke about dirt clods and ended up as a thesis proving that for at least right now, neither the solar system or the economy is expanding.
The jury is still out on whether the Universe is expanding or contracting. We haven't got the unemployment figures from the Andromeda galaxy yet.
Then I got to thinking how bad it would suck to be a comedian doing a routine for a room full of women. How would you know if they were faking the laughing or not?
©India Summer
Fear Not
You have been in a state of hallucination, thinking you are a helpless mortal.... Every day you should sit quietly and affirm, with deep conviction:
"No birth, no death, no caste have I; father, mother, have I none. Blessed Spirit, I am He. I am Infinite Happiness."
If you again and again repeat these thoughts, day and night, you will eventually realize what you really are: an immortal soul.
Paramahansa Yogananda
Affirm that you are a child of God and dwell on what Jesus said:
"I and my Father are one."
Paramahansa Yogananda
"No birth, no death, no caste have I; father, mother, have I none. Blessed Spirit, I am He. I am Infinite Happiness."
If you again and again repeat these thoughts, day and night, you will eventually realize what you really are: an immortal soul.
Paramahansa Yogananda
Affirm that you are a child of God and dwell on what Jesus said:
"I and my Father are one."
Paramahansa Yogananda
World Orgy at my place!
You're invited
Current mood: breezy
E.L.E! Everybody Love Everybody! World Orgy at my house! Everyone's invited! Party starts now and lasts forever. We might have to move it out on to the lawn if everyone shows up at once, so please bring a blanket to lay on. I have a big bowl of them here, but if you could remember to bring some of your own condoms too. Condoms..not condiments...we have plenty of mustard and ketchup and mayo and sex lube. Anything else, you'll have to bring. See you soon!
Love, India
PS...About the condoms...we will be playing "Pin the condom on the Donkey". We wont actually use pins,(it would render the condom useless, which is just wasteful and it would hurt like hell for the donkey)...it will be more like "Roll the condom on to the Donkey".
Shane Diesel has kindly volunteered to play the part of the Donkey.
©India Summer
Current mood: breezy
E.L.E! Everybody Love Everybody! World Orgy at my house! Everyone's invited! Party starts now and lasts forever. We might have to move it out on to the lawn if everyone shows up at once, so please bring a blanket to lay on. I have a big bowl of them here, but if you could remember to bring some of your own condoms too. Condoms..not condiments...we have plenty of mustard and ketchup and mayo and sex lube. Anything else, you'll have to bring. See you soon!
Love, India
PS...About the condoms...we will be playing "Pin the condom on the Donkey". We wont actually use pins,(it would render the condom useless, which is just wasteful and it would hurt like hell for the donkey)...it will be more like "Roll the condom on to the Donkey".
Shane Diesel has kindly volunteered to play the part of the Donkey.
©India Summer
Oral Sex
Oral sex...If you are what you eat that must be why I have multiple personalities.
You know that scene in "Pineapple Express" where the kid in the hallway says "Time to suck today's dick!" All motivated like?
Yeah...I'm about to say that to my husband. Literally. I'm on my way to do a BJ scene.
©India Summer
You know that scene in "Pineapple Express" where the kid in the hallway says "Time to suck today's dick!" All motivated like?
Yeah...I'm about to say that to my husband. Literally. I'm on my way to do a BJ scene.
©India Summer
National Security advice from an Adult actress
Advice for Obama
Current mood: calm
Dear Mr. President,
How's the First Penis?
I was just watching the news and I thought I should make sure you know about this important intelligence I've gathered.
If the Mexican President tries to make a bet with you over a USA vs Mexico "Football" game... Don't do it! For instance if he says, "I'll bet you the State of California Mr. President that my best Mexican football team can beat your best American football team." Don't fall for it! He means soccer...and the USA is 0-23-1 vs Mexico.
For god's sake if we ever get into a war with Mexico don't go near a soccer field, we will get slaughtered.
Sincerely,
India Summer
Current mood: calm
Dear Mr. President,
How's the First Penis?
I was just watching the news and I thought I should make sure you know about this important intelligence I've gathered.
If the Mexican President tries to make a bet with you over a USA vs Mexico "Football" game... Don't do it! For instance if he says, "I'll bet you the State of California Mr. President that my best Mexican football team can beat your best American football team." Don't fall for it! He means soccer...and the USA is 0-23-1 vs Mexico.
For god's sake if we ever get into a war with Mexico don't go near a soccer field, we will get slaughtered.
Sincerely,
India Summer
Sucking the Ether Penis
Sucking the Ether Penis
Current mood: indescribable
I had the weirdest experience today...I don't know whether someone laced my Red Bull with an Ambien, I was abducted by aliens or I was sucking on the ether penis!
All I remember is that I was going to do a BJ scene and when I got there, a girl started telling me my hair smelled terrific. I started dreaming I was in a shampoo commercial and then I woke up when I heard the camera man saying, "Is she snoring with a cock in her mouth?"
What the fuck was that all about? How does a blowjob turn into a nap?
You think I'm funny, but I think I have a brain tumor.
This is not a true story, but Santa Claus, the Great Pumpkin and the Ether Penis are real!!!
©India Summer
Current mood: indescribable
I had the weirdest experience today...I don't know whether someone laced my Red Bull with an Ambien, I was abducted by aliens or I was sucking on the ether penis!
All I remember is that I was going to do a BJ scene and when I got there, a girl started telling me my hair smelled terrific. I started dreaming I was in a shampoo commercial and then I woke up when I heard the camera man saying, "Is she snoring with a cock in her mouth?"
What the fuck was that all about? How does a blowjob turn into a nap?
You think I'm funny, but I think I have a brain tumor.
This is not a true story, but Santa Claus, the Great Pumpkin and the Ether Penis are real!!!
©India Summer
Voyueristic animals
People say cats aren't smart, but maybe you can explain to me why I just took a delivery of 14 lbs of Cosmic Catnip from the Fed Ex man and I found my credit card hidden behind the litter box.
Ok, after I got a few things straightened out with my cats about using my credit cards, they got high as fuck on the Cosmic Catnip. Which means that they lose all interest in me and my lover...so we can have undisturbed sex.
Yeah, I don't like it when my cats watch me have sex. It creeps me out. I don't care if every human in the world watches me having sex, but when animals watch, it disturbs me. I know that when people watch animals have sex, they almost always laugh. But most animals don't laugh on the outside. So they'll just be sitting there and you know...you know they're laughing at you!
Judging by some of the mail I'm getting in my spam box...I believe it is now becoming clear that there are a lot of animals watching porn. Apparently a lot of these animals live on farms. Have you been getting those messages too?
There seems to be a big market out there for Farm Animal Porn. Now known as F.A.P by their lobbyist in D.C. I'd like to interview Porky Pig and find out how he really feels about this. "Porky, are farm animals being exploited?"
Anyway, I had an astounding orgasm during my uninterrupted sex and at one point I was so high during the orgasm that I was high-fiving God.
India Summer
Ok, after I got a few things straightened out with my cats about using my credit cards, they got high as fuck on the Cosmic Catnip. Which means that they lose all interest in me and my lover...so we can have undisturbed sex.
Yeah, I don't like it when my cats watch me have sex. It creeps me out. I don't care if every human in the world watches me having sex, but when animals watch, it disturbs me. I know that when people watch animals have sex, they almost always laugh. But most animals don't laugh on the outside. So they'll just be sitting there and you know...you know they're laughing at you!
Judging by some of the mail I'm getting in my spam box...I believe it is now becoming clear that there are a lot of animals watching porn. Apparently a lot of these animals live on farms. Have you been getting those messages too?
There seems to be a big market out there for Farm Animal Porn. Now known as F.A.P by their lobbyist in D.C. I'd like to interview Porky Pig and find out how he really feels about this. "Porky, are farm animals being exploited?"
Anyway, I had an astounding orgasm during my uninterrupted sex and at one point I was so high during the orgasm that I was high-fiving God.
India Summer
Diary; Ron Perlman and Growing Tits
Friday, August 14, 2009
Growing Tits
Current mood: bouncy
Cello! I'm backstage/on set today at "Sons of Anarchy" and I have to tell you...Ron Perlman gave me the nicest "Good Mornin'!" and Biggest shit eating grin I ever saw. It's a bright way to start your day. I did one scene so far and now I'm just waiting around till my next one. If you wear your binoculars when you watch that scene you might be able to see me. But don't worry, I get much closer to the camera in most of my other scenes. I'm such a Biker chic today!
Which reminds me... I'm so frustrated!
I've been trying so hard to grow my tits.
I get up every morning, I water them in the shower and then I run out on the deck and spread California sunshine all over them. They're very happy tits but they aren't growing at all! Does anyone have any suggestions for an organic fertilizer or something?
I swear, I promise...I'm trying as hard as I can to grow my boobs bigger!
Back to work!
Love, India
©India Summer
Growing Tits
Current mood: bouncy
Cello! I'm backstage/on set today at "Sons of Anarchy" and I have to tell you...Ron Perlman gave me the nicest "Good Mornin'!" and Biggest shit eating grin I ever saw. It's a bright way to start your day. I did one scene so far and now I'm just waiting around till my next one. If you wear your binoculars when you watch that scene you might be able to see me. But don't worry, I get much closer to the camera in most of my other scenes. I'm such a Biker chic today!
Which reminds me... I'm so frustrated!
I've been trying so hard to grow my tits.
I get up every morning, I water them in the shower and then I run out on the deck and spread California sunshine all over them. They're very happy tits but they aren't growing at all! Does anyone have any suggestions for an organic fertilizer or something?
I swear, I promise...I'm trying as hard as I can to grow my boobs bigger!
Back to work!
Love, India
©India Summer
Anyone got a book player?
Tech Challenged? You be the Judge...
Current mood: cooky/wacky
Last night I went to Barnes and Nobles and I bought a DVD, a CD and I found some interesting things called "books" or something. I was so excited. I felt so much more intelligent just knowing that I owned some books. Real old skool!
I excitedly rushed home and felt absolutely crushed when I realized that I didn't have a "Book Player". Shit! They wont play on my CD/DVD or record player. Anybody know where I can get a book player?
Thanx.
Facetiously yours,
India
©India Summer
Current mood: cooky/wacky
Last night I went to Barnes and Nobles and I bought a DVD, a CD and I found some interesting things called "books" or something. I was so excited. I felt so much more intelligent just knowing that I owned some books. Real old skool!
I excitedly rushed home and felt absolutely crushed when I realized that I didn't have a "Book Player". Shit! They wont play on my CD/DVD or record player. Anybody know where I can get a book player?
Thanx.
Facetiously yours,
India
©India Summer
What is the sedative situation?
What is the sedative situation? I'm from Argelius...
Current mood: breezy
Am I a trekkie yet?
After I graduate from Star Fleet Academy and do a tour on a Starship, I'm hoping for a Star Fleet posting to the Federation Embassy on Argelius. That planet and culture has got it going on! I don't know... maybe you shouldn't let me go there...I'd probably go all "native" and start doing Argelian Porn.
So I'm watching this epidsode of Star Trek called "Wolf in the Fold". It starts out on the Planet Argelius in an Argelian strip club. There are hot chics in hot outfits, and there was a belly dancer on stage wearing pink plastic pom-poms and chocolate coins in gold foil. There was a musical group on stage and the guy in the middle was huffin' a bong.
Kirk, McCoy and Mr.Scott are watching the stripper. Mr Scott has a McChubb! They say Argelius is a totally hedonistic culture, and apparently they practice meditation. Sounds like the place to "be".
Anyway...somehow this episode turns into Jack the Ripper possessing the USS Enterprise.
The next thing I know, Kirk is saying "Bones, what's the sedative situation?"
McCoy says "I've got some stuff that would tranquilize an active volcano".
Space Party!
A few minutes later McCoy and the nurses have the entire crew as high as fuckin' kites. This is definitely one of my favorite episodes!
Obviously my real parents must be from Argelius and accidently left me here when they stopped off on earth to get some gas, grass and a bag of chips. That would explain a few things to me about my earth parents.
Spock rules! I love it when he says "As we know Pi is a transcendental figure without resolution"
Sulu is so wasted!
1st Lt. India Summer blogging out.
©India Summer
Current mood: breezy
Am I a trekkie yet?
After I graduate from Star Fleet Academy and do a tour on a Starship, I'm hoping for a Star Fleet posting to the Federation Embassy on Argelius. That planet and culture has got it going on! I don't know... maybe you shouldn't let me go there...I'd probably go all "native" and start doing Argelian Porn.
So I'm watching this epidsode of Star Trek called "Wolf in the Fold". It starts out on the Planet Argelius in an Argelian strip club. There are hot chics in hot outfits, and there was a belly dancer on stage wearing pink plastic pom-poms and chocolate coins in gold foil. There was a musical group on stage and the guy in the middle was huffin' a bong.
Kirk, McCoy and Mr.Scott are watching the stripper. Mr Scott has a McChubb! They say Argelius is a totally hedonistic culture, and apparently they practice meditation. Sounds like the place to "be".
Anyway...somehow this episode turns into Jack the Ripper possessing the USS Enterprise.
The next thing I know, Kirk is saying "Bones, what's the sedative situation?"
McCoy says "I've got some stuff that would tranquilize an active volcano".
Space Party!
A few minutes later McCoy and the nurses have the entire crew as high as fuckin' kites. This is definitely one of my favorite episodes!
Obviously my real parents must be from Argelius and accidently left me here when they stopped off on earth to get some gas, grass and a bag of chips. That would explain a few things to me about my earth parents.
Spock rules! I love it when he says "As we know Pi is a transcendental figure without resolution"
Sulu is so wasted!
1st Lt. India Summer blogging out.
©India Summer
Opinions and Bungholes
Opinions and Assholes
Current mood: blessed
You know the old saying; "Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one."
I'm thinking of changing my blog name from "The Summer Times" to "India Summer's Asshole"
I'm always blabbing away, dancing with my ego and trying to save paper by filling up this little white space with all the BS that comes tumbling through my little head...most of it completely useless.
I like to think of it as extracting the crazy from my head and putting it here (under the microscope) for study and observation.
I say and write some outlandish things on here...but only because it's "My blog". I don't want you thinking I go to Walgreens or the Mall and start spewing outloud in public like I do here. Don't worry, I'm not teaching in any formal schools.
I definitely expose my asshole/opinions on here. So welcome to my asshole viewing portal. It's the place you get to look in and see my asshole/opinion.
Reading my blog is essentially like having anal sex with me. At least orally speaking. *giggle
I'm kind of at the stage (again) where I'm sick of myself. When I get to that place, I feel like shutting up and feeding my head.
India Summer
Here is some advice that I give myself. In fact I'm giving it to myself right now. If you like it and it rings true, you can use it too.
The Wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man.
(The Dhammapada of Gautama the Buddha. Circa 500BC)
The Wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man.
Praise and blame are not in any way different to the wise man---they are all alike. Whether the ignorant person, the unawakened person praises you or blames you. What difference does it make? Both come from their sleep.
It is like a man in a dream shouts, and blames or praises you. Will you take any note of it? Will you differentiate between the two?
A man in a dream may condemn you or may praise you---you know he is dreaming, he is asleep---it doesn't matter! There is no difference. What he is saying is all nonsense. When he wakes up he will laugh at himself, it will look so ridiculous.
Hence, you can praise the Buddha (or Jesus), you can condemn him---millions will condemn him, very few will praise him---but it makes no difference to him. He remains like an unmoving mountain, an immovable mountain.
OSHO
Current mood: blessed
You know the old saying; "Opinions are like assholes; everybody has one."
I'm thinking of changing my blog name from "The Summer Times" to "India Summer's Asshole"
I'm always blabbing away, dancing with my ego and trying to save paper by filling up this little white space with all the BS that comes tumbling through my little head...most of it completely useless.
I like to think of it as extracting the crazy from my head and putting it here (under the microscope) for study and observation.
I say and write some outlandish things on here...but only because it's "My blog". I don't want you thinking I go to Walgreens or the Mall and start spewing outloud in public like I do here. Don't worry, I'm not teaching in any formal schools.
I definitely expose my asshole/opinions on here. So welcome to my asshole viewing portal. It's the place you get to look in and see my asshole/opinion.
Reading my blog is essentially like having anal sex with me. At least orally speaking. *giggle
I'm kind of at the stage (again) where I'm sick of myself. When I get to that place, I feel like shutting up and feeding my head.
India Summer
Here is some advice that I give myself. In fact I'm giving it to myself right now. If you like it and it rings true, you can use it too.
The Wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man.
(The Dhammapada of Gautama the Buddha. Circa 500BC)
The Wind cannot shake a mountain. Neither praise nor blame moves the wise man.
Praise and blame are not in any way different to the wise man---they are all alike. Whether the ignorant person, the unawakened person praises you or blames you. What difference does it make? Both come from their sleep.
It is like a man in a dream shouts, and blames or praises you. Will you take any note of it? Will you differentiate between the two?
A man in a dream may condemn you or may praise you---you know he is dreaming, he is asleep---it doesn't matter! There is no difference. What he is saying is all nonsense. When he wakes up he will laugh at himself, it will look so ridiculous.
Hence, you can praise the Buddha (or Jesus), you can condemn him---millions will condemn him, very few will praise him---but it makes no difference to him. He remains like an unmoving mountain, an immovable mountain.
OSHO
Popsickle Donations
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Popsickle Donations, Petit Fours and Prayers
Current mood: breezy
Groovy Day! (That is the new "Good Day" in the parlance of my mind)
My ass is squeaky clean right now. It's so clean that if you put a popsickle up it, I could tell you what flavor it is.
I am doing something I've never done before. I'm doing back to back days of posterior entrance scenes. It's cool, I'm down with that, but I would like to take this opportunity to solicit Popsickle Donations.
After my posterior penetration today, I'll just "pop in" (that's why they call it pop-sickle) a popsickle and in no time my burning anus will feel sweet, tasty, cool relief. The swelling will be brought down and I'll be ready for tomorrow.
As for the flavor donations...I like Orange,Cherry,Banana, the really blue FAKE blueberry ones (not the real fruit, purple-blueberry popsickles) and those rare Lemon-Lime ones from Mrs.Puckerbutt. Mrs.Puckerbutt's Buttfucker's sour popsickle relief!
NO BOMB POPS! At least not for my bungholio.
Now that we have that out of the way, how about a Spiritual Petit Four...
HAPPY ARE THOSE WHO FIND FAULT WITH THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF FINDING FAULT WITH OTHERS
And now my morning prayers;
Good God! Please grant me the wisdom to understand you, and to continue to work for you in your Mysterious Ways Department. Thank you for everything, especially the furry little creatures that I find so cute and delicious. And not meaning to sound greedy, I was wondering if you could just help my boobs grow a little bit bigger. I know I've been nagging you for some time about it but there's a lot of social pressure to conform and I wish I had bigger milk jugs. Please help me to grow greater, bigger milk jugs for the sustanence of your people. I promise I'll be really good and never do anything bad that doesn't feel good for the other person. I promise.
Also, someone told me that your son, Jesus, is in love with me. They tell me "Jesus the son of God loves you" If he wants to go out on a date, just have him call me. I'm in an open relationship...it's totally cool! Tell him that he should bring the wine because I hear he can get it for free.
Love,
Your little drop of dew
©India Summer (Agent India Summer, Dept. of Mysterious Ways)
Popsickle Donations, Petit Fours and Prayers
Current mood: breezy
Groovy Day! (That is the new "Good Day" in the parlance of my mind)
My ass is squeaky clean right now. It's so clean that if you put a popsickle up it, I could tell you what flavor it is.
I am doing something I've never done before. I'm doing back to back days of posterior entrance scenes. It's cool, I'm down with that, but I would like to take this opportunity to solicit Popsickle Donations.
After my posterior penetration today, I'll just "pop in" (that's why they call it pop-sickle) a popsickle and in no time my burning anus will feel sweet, tasty, cool relief. The swelling will be brought down and I'll be ready for tomorrow.
As for the flavor donations...I like Orange,Cherry,Banana, the really blue FAKE blueberry ones (not the real fruit, purple-blueberry popsickles) and those rare Lemon-Lime ones from Mrs.Puckerbutt. Mrs.Puckerbutt's Buttfucker's sour popsickle relief!
NO BOMB POPS! At least not for my bungholio.
Now that we have that out of the way, how about a Spiritual Petit Four...
HAPPY ARE THOSE WHO FIND FAULT WITH THEMSELVES INSTEAD OF FINDING FAULT WITH OTHERS
And now my morning prayers;
Good God! Please grant me the wisdom to understand you, and to continue to work for you in your Mysterious Ways Department. Thank you for everything, especially the furry little creatures that I find so cute and delicious. And not meaning to sound greedy, I was wondering if you could just help my boobs grow a little bit bigger. I know I've been nagging you for some time about it but there's a lot of social pressure to conform and I wish I had bigger milk jugs. Please help me to grow greater, bigger milk jugs for the sustanence of your people. I promise I'll be really good and never do anything bad that doesn't feel good for the other person. I promise.
Also, someone told me that your son, Jesus, is in love with me. They tell me "Jesus the son of God loves you" If he wants to go out on a date, just have him call me. I'm in an open relationship...it's totally cool! Tell him that he should bring the wine because I hear he can get it for free.
Love,
Your little drop of dew
©India Summer (Agent India Summer, Dept. of Mysterious Ways)
Anti-Choice
I'm Anti-Choice
Current mood: calm
I know! Right? Me? Anti-Choice? Yes, when it comes to clothing in bed, I am anti-choice. Give me nudity or give me death! Sexy clothes are waiverable for up to 60 minutes, but then they have to come off too.
However if we take this argument into the public, I would totally flip flop. I am Pro-Choice when it comes to nudity on the beach.
India Summer
And now, another one of my favorite Commander Spock quotes;
I object to you
I object to intellect without discipline
I object to power without constructive purpose
Spock
Current mood: calm
I know! Right? Me? Anti-Choice? Yes, when it comes to clothing in bed, I am anti-choice. Give me nudity or give me death! Sexy clothes are waiverable for up to 60 minutes, but then they have to come off too.
However if we take this argument into the public, I would totally flip flop. I am Pro-Choice when it comes to nudity on the beach.
India Summer
And now, another one of my favorite Commander Spock quotes;
I object to you
I object to intellect without discipline
I object to power without constructive purpose
Spock
Grape Smugglers and Banana Hammocks
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Grape Smugglers and Banana Hammocks
Current mood: breezy
A few weeks ago, Prinzzess Felicity Jade and I went to the beach. We wanted to go to a nude beach but the only one we knew of was near San Diego. It was already midday, so we decided to just go to a local beach. It was the weekend, so naturally the beaches were packed. We couldn't get into my fave local beach, so we went to another, more secluded beach in Malibu.
We staked out our section of beach and distilling sunshine we started producing vitamin D.
After a while a guy came walking up sporting a black "grape smuggler" G-string/thong swim suit. I also call them "Banana Hammocks", but there was a lot of saggy-ness and space in the front of that thong, so it really did look more like a grape smuggler. He was smuggling 3 grapes from what I could tell.
He was nice enough, and asked if we would mind if he "pitched his tent" nearby. Probably looking like we just ate a terd sandwich we both tried to smile and act friendly..."yeah sure, no problem."
Prinzzess and I got back to talking, joking and producing vitamin D. We laid out on our beach towels and blanket. Soon, Prinzzess turned to me and said, "He shaves his ass." From my supine position I turned my head over to look at him. Yep, there he was, ass first, shaved or waxed and pointed at Prinzzess, the black grape smuggler flossing his ass crack. Nice. Not so much.
After a little while, a helicopter flew over. I pulled off Prinzzess's bikini top. It was a "forced flashing". Slightly...and I mean only slightly, Prinzzess remarked, "That was a Sheriff's helicopter." I said, "they probably needed and appreciated that." We laughed until we were interrupted by the grape smuggler....."I saw that!...hehe hehe he..." Oh god...a witness!
I said, "You don't tell on us, and we wont report you for smuggling grapes into California. I have to say, by this point, they may have been raisins.
©India Summer
Grape Smugglers and Banana Hammocks
Current mood: breezy
A few weeks ago, Prinzzess Felicity Jade and I went to the beach. We wanted to go to a nude beach but the only one we knew of was near San Diego. It was already midday, so we decided to just go to a local beach. It was the weekend, so naturally the beaches were packed. We couldn't get into my fave local beach, so we went to another, more secluded beach in Malibu.
We staked out our section of beach and distilling sunshine we started producing vitamin D.
After a while a guy came walking up sporting a black "grape smuggler" G-string/thong swim suit. I also call them "Banana Hammocks", but there was a lot of saggy-ness and space in the front of that thong, so it really did look more like a grape smuggler. He was smuggling 3 grapes from what I could tell.
He was nice enough, and asked if we would mind if he "pitched his tent" nearby. Probably looking like we just ate a terd sandwich we both tried to smile and act friendly..."yeah sure, no problem."
Prinzzess and I got back to talking, joking and producing vitamin D. We laid out on our beach towels and blanket. Soon, Prinzzess turned to me and said, "He shaves his ass." From my supine position I turned my head over to look at him. Yep, there he was, ass first, shaved or waxed and pointed at Prinzzess, the black grape smuggler flossing his ass crack. Nice. Not so much.
After a little while, a helicopter flew over. I pulled off Prinzzess's bikini top. It was a "forced flashing". Slightly...and I mean only slightly, Prinzzess remarked, "That was a Sheriff's helicopter." I said, "they probably needed and appreciated that." We laughed until we were interrupted by the grape smuggler....."I saw that!...hehe hehe he..." Oh god...a witness!
I said, "You don't tell on us, and we wont report you for smuggling grapes into California. I have to say, by this point, they may have been raisins.
©India Summer
My favorite Fan message
My new favorite fan message
Current mood: amused
This is my new favorite fan message. This was the whole message as received on Facebook;
ego blowjob you to want ı lowe you mucks
I copied and pasted that. It is an exact replication of the actual message. I freakin love that message. That is retardese with attitude. That is poetry.
"ego blowjob you to want ı lowe you mucks"
Sounds like a great breakfast!
I don't even know what that thing is between "want and lowe" cause it's not really an "i" or a "1" or a "l". How do you even type that? Is it a headless small "i" or is it a small "i" without the period...making it a male small "i"?
India Summer
Current mood: amused
This is my new favorite fan message. This was the whole message as received on Facebook;
ego blowjob you to want ı lowe you mucks
I copied and pasted that. It is an exact replication of the actual message. I freakin love that message. That is retardese with attitude. That is poetry.
"ego blowjob you to want ı lowe you mucks"
Sounds like a great breakfast!
I don't even know what that thing is between "want and lowe" cause it's not really an "i" or a "1" or a "l". How do you even type that? Is it a headless small "i" or is it a small "i" without the period...making it a male small "i"?
India Summer
Double U
Here is how full of shit our education was;
W
What is that called?
Double-U
BULLSHIT!
That is a Double-V and anyone with eyes can see it!
That's why kids don't listen to you, they know you are full of shit by applying the "Double-V" test...
I don't know where I'm going with this...I'm gonna leave it at that for now....
Still..that is not a "Double-U". I don't give a shit what you say.... Why do all those German and Scandinavian countries say "W" with a "V" sound then?
It's "Double-V" and I want to know why someone isn't doing something about this? This is total bullshit.
"Double-V" ...that reminds me...there is a sexual fantasy I still need to fulfill!
©India Summer's meandering thoughts... (cont)
Conquer Yourself
It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles.
Then the victory is yours; it cannot be taken from you.
Not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell
Buddha
Remember, only that which cannot be taken away from you is yours. Anything that can be taken away from you is not yours. Don't cling to it, because the clinging will bring misery to you. Do not be possessive of anything that can be taken away from you because your possessiveness will create anguish for you.
Abide with that which is really yours, which nobody can take away from you. It cannot be stolen, you cannot be robbed of it, you cannot go bankrupt as far as it is concerned.
Even death cannot take it.
If you have conquered your consciousness, then the body will be burned, turned to ashes, but you will not be burned. You will remain forever---you are eternal.
But this eternity can be known only when you become a master on your own.
OSHO
Gossamer
O slave of desire, float upon the stream.
Little spider, stick to your web
Or else abandon your sorrows for the way.
Buddha
The world in which you live is your own creation, just like the spider creates its web out of itself and then is caught in the web and cannot leave it. You project your world out of your own mind, you project thousands of desires. That's how you create the web and then you are caught in it. Somebody is caught in the desire for money, somebody is caught in the desire for power, somebody is caught in the desire for renunciation, somebody is caught in the desire for paradise---all desires!
A real man of understanding has no desire.
He lives in the moment and whatsoever is available,
he enjoys it to its totality. He squeezes each moment,
he drinks each moment! He eats whatsoever is available.
He sleeps, but he is total in whatsoever he is doing.
Osho
Mooning the World on "Sons' of Anarchy"
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
I mooned the entire world
Current mood: amused
Ok...so did you see me moon the entire world last night on "Sons of Anarchy"? I didn't get the chance to watch the episode but I got some text messages from friends telling me how I was showing my ass to the whole world (just the way "they"/SOA wanted me to) They also said Darryl Hanah and I looked great in our brief screen time. I'm just thrilled and kind of amused that I feel like I mooned the entire tv watching world last night!
I will be in more episodes but it will be hard to pick me out because I'm dressed up like a biker chic, and most of the crew couldn't even recognize me for that shoot! So I must have done a good job at making me not look like me.
India Summer
I mooned the entire world
Current mood: amused
Ok...so did you see me moon the entire world last night on "Sons of Anarchy"? I didn't get the chance to watch the episode but I got some text messages from friends telling me how I was showing my ass to the whole world (just the way "they"/SOA wanted me to) They also said Darryl Hanah and I looked great in our brief screen time. I'm just thrilled and kind of amused that I feel like I mooned the entire tv watching world last night!
I will be in more episodes but it will be hard to pick me out because I'm dressed up like a biker chic, and most of the crew couldn't even recognize me for that shoot! So I must have done a good job at making me not look like me.
India Summer
Something in the things he says...
With the Beloved in my heart,
I pick up a stick,
it becomes a lute in my hands.
I make a mistake,
it turns out for the best.
They say, Do not travel during the holy month.
I set out and find a priceless treasure.
~Rumi
Unawareness
Wednesday, October 07, 2009
Unawareness, note to myself
Osho, I feel very self-critical. After social encounters I’m always thinking about what I said and what I could have said.
- That’s a bad habit. Self-awareness is good, but self-criticism is not good because it is never to the point. When the moment is gone, then you criticise yourself. Awareness is in the present and criticism is about the past. You cannot undo it, you cannot re-do it. It is gone, and gone forever; nothing can be done about it. It is simply foolish to waste even a single moment thinking about it, because again in thinking about it, you are wasting the present, again doing the same. Be aware in whatsoever — relationship, work, meditation...whatsoever it is.
When something is there, when something is happening, be aware; never be critical. Because in that moment of awareness, something can be transformed. If you are alert, you may not do many things; you will do other things. If you are aware, you will not be able to make the mistakes that you go on criticising. Awareness has never been anything for which there is any possibility for repentance. A man who is aware, never repents. Whatever he could not do, he has not done. There is no point in pitying oneself, in criticising oneself, feeling sorry for oneself; they are all diseases. So drop that.
And it is an ego-trip. You do something and then you start improving on it in the mind. That simply shows that you have done something which falls below the image of your ego. You have been angry and you always think that you are a very very good person, and you are never angry — and now you have been angry. Then later on you see that your self-image has fallen down. What to do? Now in your own eyes you feel condemned.
How are you going to show your face to others? And you have been broadcasting so much that you are a good man and you are never angry, this and that. Now what about that advertisement that you have been making? You cannot say that you have been angry or greedy or a miser or whatsoever. There is only one way: pulling yourself up by your own shoestrings, you straighten yourself, repent. You say ‘This was wrong. I should not have done this. I should have done something else’. Now you are painting your image. You are saying ‘Maybe I was angry, but it was just a moment’s error. I am repenting for it. Look — there are tears in my eyes. I am not a bad man at all’. You may even go to the person to whom you have been angry and ask his pardon — but that too is an ego-trip. You will again start feeling good, a very good man! You have retained your respectability again. Your self-image is again enthroned.
If you really feel that anger was wrong, then forget about the past. Now whenever anger is there, remain alert. That is real repentance. Remain alert. I’m not saying don’t ask people’s forgiveness. Ask — but not in repentance. Not for anger but for your unawareness. Can you see the distinction?
If you have been angry, go to the person and say ‘I have been unaware. I behaved like a fool, a drunkard. I was unconscious, drugged. I have done something but I was not there’. Ask forgiveness for your unawareness, not for your anger. And remember the real problem is not anger. The real problem is unawareness.
So next time be more aware. Whether it is anger, hatred, jealousy, possessiveness, a thousand and one things are there...but the real disease is one: unawareness. These are all facets of the same thing. So if you try to change that — these problems — you will never be able to cope, because they are millions.
Osho,
Be Realistic: Plan for a Miracle
Unawareness, note to myself
Osho, I feel very self-critical. After social encounters I’m always thinking about what I said and what I could have said.
- That’s a bad habit. Self-awareness is good, but self-criticism is not good because it is never to the point. When the moment is gone, then you criticise yourself. Awareness is in the present and criticism is about the past. You cannot undo it, you cannot re-do it. It is gone, and gone forever; nothing can be done about it. It is simply foolish to waste even a single moment thinking about it, because again in thinking about it, you are wasting the present, again doing the same. Be aware in whatsoever — relationship, work, meditation...whatsoever it is.
When something is there, when something is happening, be aware; never be critical. Because in that moment of awareness, something can be transformed. If you are alert, you may not do many things; you will do other things. If you are aware, you will not be able to make the mistakes that you go on criticising. Awareness has never been anything for which there is any possibility for repentance. A man who is aware, never repents. Whatever he could not do, he has not done. There is no point in pitying oneself, in criticising oneself, feeling sorry for oneself; they are all diseases. So drop that.
And it is an ego-trip. You do something and then you start improving on it in the mind. That simply shows that you have done something which falls below the image of your ego. You have been angry and you always think that you are a very very good person, and you are never angry — and now you have been angry. Then later on you see that your self-image has fallen down. What to do? Now in your own eyes you feel condemned.
How are you going to show your face to others? And you have been broadcasting so much that you are a good man and you are never angry, this and that. Now what about that advertisement that you have been making? You cannot say that you have been angry or greedy or a miser or whatsoever. There is only one way: pulling yourself up by your own shoestrings, you straighten yourself, repent. You say ‘This was wrong. I should not have done this. I should have done something else’. Now you are painting your image. You are saying ‘Maybe I was angry, but it was just a moment’s error. I am repenting for it. Look — there are tears in my eyes. I am not a bad man at all’. You may even go to the person to whom you have been angry and ask his pardon — but that too is an ego-trip. You will again start feeling good, a very good man! You have retained your respectability again. Your self-image is again enthroned.
If you really feel that anger was wrong, then forget about the past. Now whenever anger is there, remain alert. That is real repentance. Remain alert. I’m not saying don’t ask people’s forgiveness. Ask — but not in repentance. Not for anger but for your unawareness. Can you see the distinction?
If you have been angry, go to the person and say ‘I have been unaware. I behaved like a fool, a drunkard. I was unconscious, drugged. I have done something but I was not there’. Ask forgiveness for your unawareness, not for your anger. And remember the real problem is not anger. The real problem is unawareness.
So next time be more aware. Whether it is anger, hatred, jealousy, possessiveness, a thousand and one things are there...but the real disease is one: unawareness. These are all facets of the same thing. So if you try to change that — these problems — you will never be able to cope, because they are millions.
Osho,
Be Realistic: Plan for a Miracle
Diary; Oct 9th 2009
Friday, October 09, 2009
Dear Diary
Current mood: blissful
Today I had the most incredible orgasm of my life thus far. Position; pile driver. Lover; my husband. I think I actually exorcised some demons with that orgasm! My husband said it sounded like I exorcised some demons! I had a shoot earlier in the day with a fella who is as big and thick as a brick. Had several O's with him, went home and later on, I had several with my man, including the most mind blowing orgasm I've ever had. I was upside down watching him fuck me in our closet door mirrors...he was fucking me and playing my clit with a wanachi cordless ($20). I came so hard and for so long. I was screaming right out loud, 3 times. I needed to notate this because it blew my mind.
India Summer
Dear Diary
Current mood: blissful
Today I had the most incredible orgasm of my life thus far. Position; pile driver. Lover; my husband. I think I actually exorcised some demons with that orgasm! My husband said it sounded like I exorcised some demons! I had a shoot earlier in the day with a fella who is as big and thick as a brick. Had several O's with him, went home and later on, I had several with my man, including the most mind blowing orgasm I've ever had. I was upside down watching him fuck me in our closet door mirrors...he was fucking me and playing my clit with a wanachi cordless ($20). I came so hard and for so long. I was screaming right out loud, 3 times. I needed to notate this because it blew my mind.
India Summer
Diary Entry Oct, 15th, 2009 Hawaii
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Paradise Found
Current mood: blissful
I walk out the back of my room onto a manicured lawn and follow a path sprinkled with the fallen flowers of Plumeria trees that guide me to the beach. Every breath, every breeze is sweetened by their perfume. It is a 5am. I've been on mountains under clear skies, I've been in the dirty dust of Hollywood, but I've never seen stars like this before. Even now a cacophony of birds sing to praise, sing to raise the sun. I sit on the beach alone, in the darkness gazing through binoculars at the western sky. Surf pounds on the beach like the earth's drummer. I see a fast moving light, I watch it traverse the sky, cutting across constellations, rising from the west, passing over my head...a satellite? ...the space station?....I know not.... behind me, running from the sun is the hammock of the moon and behind that whimsical smile, Venus precedes Apollo and his cape of light. Then from the northern sky a falling star. The universe, always hurling rocks at us, and spaceship Earth with her invisible force field protecting us, cooking space stones into nothingness. Apollo has come to erase the stars from the sky. I walk back to my room. Under soft morning lights I see bright green geckos mock vertical walls. Out of the bushes comes one of my newest friends, a black cat with a clipped ear...He walks with me, he runs around me, he rolls in the grass...he could be a she..I don't know..but we seem to have an understanding...him or her and his or her two bothers/sisters. Always there, emerging from bushes to walk with me and be near me, close but not too close, my first Hawaiian friends, a trio of black cats. I have lived a lifetime today and the sun has barely risen. Time to snorkel!
India Summer 6am Kohala Coast
Paradise Found
Current mood: blissful
I walk out the back of my room onto a manicured lawn and follow a path sprinkled with the fallen flowers of Plumeria trees that guide me to the beach. Every breath, every breeze is sweetened by their perfume. It is a 5am. I've been on mountains under clear skies, I've been in the dirty dust of Hollywood, but I've never seen stars like this before. Even now a cacophony of birds sing to praise, sing to raise the sun. I sit on the beach alone, in the darkness gazing through binoculars at the western sky. Surf pounds on the beach like the earth's drummer. I see a fast moving light, I watch it traverse the sky, cutting across constellations, rising from the west, passing over my head...a satellite? ...the space station?....I know not.... behind me, running from the sun is the hammock of the moon and behind that whimsical smile, Venus precedes Apollo and his cape of light. Then from the northern sky a falling star. The universe, always hurling rocks at us, and spaceship Earth with her invisible force field protecting us, cooking space stones into nothingness. Apollo has come to erase the stars from the sky. I walk back to my room. Under soft morning lights I see bright green geckos mock vertical walls. Out of the bushes comes one of my newest friends, a black cat with a clipped ear...He walks with me, he runs around me, he rolls in the grass...he could be a she..I don't know..but we seem to have an understanding...him or her and his or her two bothers/sisters. Always there, emerging from bushes to walk with me and be near me, close but not too close, my first Hawaiian friends, a trio of black cats. I have lived a lifetime today and the sun has barely risen. Time to snorkel!
India Summer 6am Kohala Coast
Shall I tell you our secret?
Shall I tell you our secret?
We are charming thieves who steal hearts
and never fail because we are
the friends of the One.
The time for old preaching is over
we aim straight at the heart.
If the mind tries to sneak in and take over
we will string it up without delay.
We turn poison into medicine
and our sorrows into blessings.
All that was familiar,
our loved ones and ourselves
we had to leave behind.
Blessed is the poem that comes through me
but not of me because the sound of my own music
will drown the song of Love.
~Rumi
Mystics, Masters and the Blind
Mystics, Masters and the Blind
- Osho, Many contemporaries and enlightened ones -- Raman Maharshi, Meher Baba, George Gurdjieff and J. Krishnamurti -- have worked with people, but people get more offended by you than by anybody else. Osho, where does your technique differ from that of other enlightened ones?
- The question is very fundamental. It arises in many people's minds, and it needs a very deep insight into the workings of different masters.
We will take each of the masters named in the question separately.
RAMAN MAHARSHI is a mystic of the highest quality, but a master of the lowest quality. And you have to understand that to be a mystic is one thing; to be a master is totally different.
Out of a thousand mystics, perhaps one is a master. Nine hundred and ninety-nine decide to remain silent -- seeing the difficulty, that whatever they have realized is impossible to convey in any possible way to others; seeing that not only is it difficult to convey, it is bound to be misunderstood too.
Naturally, one who has arrived to the ultimate peak of consciousness will most probably decide not to bother with the world anymore. He has suffered for hundreds of lives living with these miserable people, living with all kinds of misunderstandings, groping in the dark and finding nothing. And these blind people who have never seen the light all believe they know what light is.
From ancient days, a philosopher has been defined as a man who is blind, in a house that is completely dark, searching for a black cat which is not there.
And the search goes on....
After a long, long, tedious journey, someone has come to the sunlit peak of relaxation, for the first time is at ease with existence, and decides not to get involved with all kinds of blind people, prejudiced people, deaf people who are going to misunderstand you, who are going to misinterpret you, who are going to crucify you, who are going to poison you, who are going to do every nonsense that is possible against you. Why bother?
- Osho, Many contemporaries and enlightened ones -- Raman Maharshi, Meher Baba, George Gurdjieff and J. Krishnamurti -- have worked with people, but people get more offended by you than by anybody else. Osho, where does your technique differ from that of other enlightened ones?
- The question is very fundamental. It arises in many people's minds, and it needs a very deep insight into the workings of different masters.
We will take each of the masters named in the question separately.
RAMAN MAHARSHI is a mystic of the highest quality, but a master of the lowest quality. And you have to understand that to be a mystic is one thing; to be a master is totally different.
Out of a thousand mystics, perhaps one is a master. Nine hundred and ninety-nine decide to remain silent -- seeing the difficulty, that whatever they have realized is impossible to convey in any possible way to others; seeing that not only is it difficult to convey, it is bound to be misunderstood too.
Naturally, one who has arrived to the ultimate peak of consciousness will most probably decide not to bother with the world anymore. He has suffered for hundreds of lives living with these miserable people, living with all kinds of misunderstandings, groping in the dark and finding nothing. And these blind people who have never seen the light all believe they know what light is.
From ancient days, a philosopher has been defined as a man who is blind, in a house that is completely dark, searching for a black cat which is not there.
And the search goes on....
After a long, long, tedious journey, someone has come to the sunlit peak of relaxation, for the first time is at ease with existence, and decides not to get involved with all kinds of blind people, prejudiced people, deaf people who are going to misunderstand you, who are going to misinterpret you, who are going to crucify you, who are going to poison you, who are going to do every nonsense that is possible against you. Why bother?
Marriage
- [A sannyas couple returning from the West said they had trouble with their families and had to marry in order to settle it.]
(notice how Osho talks like Yoda?)
Osho: Mm! So nothing to be worried. Marriage is just a joke -- nothing to be worried about. Don't take it seriously, mm? Once you start taking marriage seriously, marriage is on the rocks. Take it as just a joke -- because nobody can be married. How can one be married? One can be in love -- that's natural -- but marriage? Nature knows no marriage. It is social and it is an institution, and it is good not to live in an institution. It is one of the ugliest institutions.
So, good that you have done it for the family so that they are happy, but don't you take it seriously otherwise you will become unhappy. Then your parents will be very happy if you become unhappy.
That's what they are trying to do. Love is not accepted because love is very dangerous. People are very worried if two persons are in love and not married; they are worried very much. It should not be a concern at all, but they are worried very much. They cannot believe and they cannot trust. They cannot allow that you should be happy and without any responsibility; that is the problem. Deep down the problem is that two persons are happy and without any responsibility. That cannot be allowed. So they have to get married and they have to become responsible and heavy and burdened -- then it's okay.
Then nobody bothers whether you are happy or not; nobody ever asks. Once you are married the society is at ease. They have forced you into a prison; now it is up to you to make what you make out of it.
Never take it seriously, because it gets into the mind. The mind is made by the same society, so it gets into the mind. One starts leaning on the other more. One starts taking the other more for granted. One starts behaving more and more like a wife and like a husband -- not as two human beings, not as two strangers.
When two strangers are there, it is beautiful... something transpires. When there is a husband and a wife, two mummies, two dead things are there. Nothing transpires between a husband and a wife except conflict. So beware! Keep your happiness, and keep your freedom. And it has been just to satisfy your parents, so good. But you should not take it in any way into your mind.
Osho
But India.... Aren't you yourself married? Yes, I am. My husband and I considered our "marriage" a union of hearts and mind, in love. If it were that easy we would still be "married" in only that manner and not on paper. Unfortunately in order for him to speak for me and I for him in times of crisis or emergency...in times when I would want no one other than him to speak for me, we had to get "officially" married.
Society and institutions don't recognize humans based on loving one another. You have to have a piece of paper that says so...bought and paid for. If I were critically sick or ill or in a coma, I want my "husband", my best friend, my lover to speak for me, not my mother, father or a sister or brother. None of them can know me like my beloved and no one do I trust more to look out for me. So in my heart, I agree with what Osho says here. And it is a creed my husband and I have lived by for 12 years.
India Summer
(notice how Osho talks like Yoda?)
Osho: Mm! So nothing to be worried. Marriage is just a joke -- nothing to be worried about. Don't take it seriously, mm? Once you start taking marriage seriously, marriage is on the rocks. Take it as just a joke -- because nobody can be married. How can one be married? One can be in love -- that's natural -- but marriage? Nature knows no marriage. It is social and it is an institution, and it is good not to live in an institution. It is one of the ugliest institutions.
So, good that you have done it for the family so that they are happy, but don't you take it seriously otherwise you will become unhappy. Then your parents will be very happy if you become unhappy.
That's what they are trying to do. Love is not accepted because love is very dangerous. People are very worried if two persons are in love and not married; they are worried very much. It should not be a concern at all, but they are worried very much. They cannot believe and they cannot trust. They cannot allow that you should be happy and without any responsibility; that is the problem. Deep down the problem is that two persons are happy and without any responsibility. That cannot be allowed. So they have to get married and they have to become responsible and heavy and burdened -- then it's okay.
Then nobody bothers whether you are happy or not; nobody ever asks. Once you are married the society is at ease. They have forced you into a prison; now it is up to you to make what you make out of it.
Never take it seriously, because it gets into the mind. The mind is made by the same society, so it gets into the mind. One starts leaning on the other more. One starts taking the other more for granted. One starts behaving more and more like a wife and like a husband -- not as two human beings, not as two strangers.
When two strangers are there, it is beautiful... something transpires. When there is a husband and a wife, two mummies, two dead things are there. Nothing transpires between a husband and a wife except conflict. So beware! Keep your happiness, and keep your freedom. And it has been just to satisfy your parents, so good. But you should not take it in any way into your mind.
Osho
But India.... Aren't you yourself married? Yes, I am. My husband and I considered our "marriage" a union of hearts and mind, in love. If it were that easy we would still be "married" in only that manner and not on paper. Unfortunately in order for him to speak for me and I for him in times of crisis or emergency...in times when I would want no one other than him to speak for me, we had to get "officially" married.
Society and institutions don't recognize humans based on loving one another. You have to have a piece of paper that says so...bought and paid for. If I were critically sick or ill or in a coma, I want my "husband", my best friend, my lover to speak for me, not my mother, father or a sister or brother. None of them can know me like my beloved and no one do I trust more to look out for me. So in my heart, I agree with what Osho says here. And it is a creed my husband and I have lived by for 12 years.
India Summer
You Are Here
You Are Here
You are here because this existence needs you as you are. Otherwise somebody else would have been here! – the existence would not have helped you to be here, would not have created you. You are fulfilling something very essential, something very fundamental, AS YOU ARE.
And your so-called mahatmas go on teaching you, ”Become a Buddha, become a Christ, become a Krishna.” Nobody tells you just to be yourself. Why should you become a Buddha? If God wanted a Buddha he could have produced as many Buddhas as he wanted. He produced only one Buddha, and that was enough. And he was satisfied to his heart’s desire, utterly satisfied. Since then he has not produced another Buddha or another Christ. He has created you instead. Just think of the
respect that the universe has given to you. You have been chosen! – not Buddha, not Christ, not Krishna.
You will be needed more, that’s why. YOU fit more now. Their work is done, they contributed their fragrance to existence.
Now you have to contribute YOUR fragrance.
But the moralists, the puritans, the priests, they go on teaching you, they go on driving you crazy.
They say to the rose, ”Become a lotus.”
And they say to the lotus, ”What are you doing here? You have to become something else.”
They drive the whole garden crazy, everything starts dying – because nobody can be anybody else, that is not possible.
The rose is a rose and the lotus is a lotus. And the lotus is good as a lotus, it can live only as a lotus. If it tries to be a rose it will die, it will become paralyzed – that is not possible because that is not intrinsic to it; that cannot arise.
And if the lotus really becomes a victim of the priests and starts trying to be a rose, or the rose tries to be a lotus, what is going to happen? The lotus will become pseudo; as a lotus it will start dying, and as a rose it will pretend.
That’s what has happened to humanity. Everybody is pretending. Authenticity is lost, truth is lost, everybody is trying to show that he is somebody else. Just look at yourself: you are pretending to be somebody else. And you can be only yourself – there is no other way, there has never been, there is no possibility that you can be anybody else. You will remain yourself. You can enjoy it and bloom, or you can wither away if you condemn it."
Osho,
Take it Easy, volume 2
You are here because this existence needs you as you are. Otherwise somebody else would have been here! – the existence would not have helped you to be here, would not have created you. You are fulfilling something very essential, something very fundamental, AS YOU ARE.
And your so-called mahatmas go on teaching you, ”Become a Buddha, become a Christ, become a Krishna.” Nobody tells you just to be yourself. Why should you become a Buddha? If God wanted a Buddha he could have produced as many Buddhas as he wanted. He produced only one Buddha, and that was enough. And he was satisfied to his heart’s desire, utterly satisfied. Since then he has not produced another Buddha or another Christ. He has created you instead. Just think of the
respect that the universe has given to you. You have been chosen! – not Buddha, not Christ, not Krishna.
You will be needed more, that’s why. YOU fit more now. Their work is done, they contributed their fragrance to existence.
Now you have to contribute YOUR fragrance.
But the moralists, the puritans, the priests, they go on teaching you, they go on driving you crazy.
They say to the rose, ”Become a lotus.”
And they say to the lotus, ”What are you doing here? You have to become something else.”
They drive the whole garden crazy, everything starts dying – because nobody can be anybody else, that is not possible.
The rose is a rose and the lotus is a lotus. And the lotus is good as a lotus, it can live only as a lotus. If it tries to be a rose it will die, it will become paralyzed – that is not possible because that is not intrinsic to it; that cannot arise.
And if the lotus really becomes a victim of the priests and starts trying to be a rose, or the rose tries to be a lotus, what is going to happen? The lotus will become pseudo; as a lotus it will start dying, and as a rose it will pretend.
That’s what has happened to humanity. Everybody is pretending. Authenticity is lost, truth is lost, everybody is trying to show that he is somebody else. Just look at yourself: you are pretending to be somebody else. And you can be only yourself – there is no other way, there has never been, there is no possibility that you can be anybody else. You will remain yourself. You can enjoy it and bloom, or you can wither away if you condemn it."
Osho,
Take it Easy, volume 2
The Fourth Eye
The Fourth Eye, females only
Most of us have (barring birth defect or accident) 2 eyes. Others of us know that we ALL have 3 eyes. (See Yoga/Meditation/Chakras). Recently I realized Women actually have a 4th eye that doubles as an exclamation point.
The other day I was having sex with another lady and I was studying her from behind. She was in the doggie position and I was looking at her Fa-JJ crack topped off with an anus on top. It looked just like a small "i".
I was like, "Wow... the mythical fourth eye of lore". It was like discovering the holy grail. Then she flipped over on her back with her legs spread and I noticed that the "i" made an exclamation point! I'm not sure but I think something profound was happening.
From now on if I use "i" in regards to sex, I'm actually talking about doggie style. If I use "!" I'm referring to missionary position.
India Summer
Most of us have (barring birth defect or accident) 2 eyes. Others of us know that we ALL have 3 eyes. (See Yoga/Meditation/Chakras). Recently I realized Women actually have a 4th eye that doubles as an exclamation point.
The other day I was having sex with another lady and I was studying her from behind. She was in the doggie position and I was looking at her Fa-JJ crack topped off with an anus on top. It looked just like a small "i".
I was like, "Wow... the mythical fourth eye of lore". It was like discovering the holy grail. Then she flipped over on her back with her legs spread and I noticed that the "i" made an exclamation point! I'm not sure but I think something profound was happening.
From now on if I use "i" in regards to sex, I'm actually talking about doggie style. If I use "!" I'm referring to missionary position.
India Summer
Secret Service Poo Collectors
Secret Service Poo Collectors
In the late 1600s, King Louis XIV of France regularly held official meetings while sitting on his beloved "throne." Known for his absolute command of power, Louis was an impartial ruler when it came to poo, unabashedly relieving himself in front of royalty and peons alike. Perhaps Louis XIV's comfort level with defecation contributed to his record-setting seventy-two-year reign of power. After all, what opposing ruler could effectively negotiate with the king when faced with the constant threat of having to witness his majesty's next bowel movement?
Three hundred years later, this "open-door" poo policy has been replaced by secrecy and paranoia. On a trip to Vienna, the White House flew in a special presidential crapper so that President George W. Bush's feces could be collected and disposed of in a secure manner. Secret Service agents capture Presidential Poo in order to prevent foreign intelligence agencies from collecting information about the commander in chief's health. Government agencies, including the United States' C.I.A. and the Israeli Mossad, have used this approach to gain valuable information on the health status of world leaders such as Mikhail Gorbachev and former Syrian President Hafez al-Assad.
"What's Your Poo Telling you?"
Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D.
Where do I sign up for that job?
"Agent Summer report to my office ASAP! Your next mission should you choose to accept it or not is to infiltrate President Chavez's bathroom and kidnap his shit for further analysis!" (analass-ass).
India Summer
In the late 1600s, King Louis XIV of France regularly held official meetings while sitting on his beloved "throne." Known for his absolute command of power, Louis was an impartial ruler when it came to poo, unabashedly relieving himself in front of royalty and peons alike. Perhaps Louis XIV's comfort level with defecation contributed to his record-setting seventy-two-year reign of power. After all, what opposing ruler could effectively negotiate with the king when faced with the constant threat of having to witness his majesty's next bowel movement?
Three hundred years later, this "open-door" poo policy has been replaced by secrecy and paranoia. On a trip to Vienna, the White House flew in a special presidential crapper so that President George W. Bush's feces could be collected and disposed of in a secure manner. Secret Service agents capture Presidential Poo in order to prevent foreign intelligence agencies from collecting information about the commander in chief's health. Government agencies, including the United States' C.I.A. and the Israeli Mossad, have used this approach to gain valuable information on the health status of world leaders such as Mikhail Gorbachev and former Syrian President Hafez al-Assad.
"What's Your Poo Telling you?"
Josh Richman and Anish Sheth, M.D.
Where do I sign up for that job?
"Agent Summer report to my office ASAP! Your next mission should you choose to accept it or not is to infiltrate President Chavez's bathroom and kidnap his shit for further analysis!" (analass-ass).
India Summer
Many Planes of Love
Many Layers, Many Planes of "Love"
It depends. There are as many loves as there are people. Love is a hierarchy, from the lowest rung to the highest, from sex to superconsciousness. There are many many layers, many planes of love. It all depends on you. If you are existing on the lowest rung, you will have a totally different idea of love than the person who is existing on the highest rung. Adolf Hitler will have one idea of love, Gautam Buddha another; and they will be diametrically opposite, because they are at two extremes.
At the lowest, love is a kind of politics, power politics. Wherever love is contaminated by the idea of domination, it is politics. Whether you call it politics or not is not the question, it is political. And millions of people never know anything about love except this politics -- the politics that exists between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. It is politics, the whole thing is political: you want to dominate the other, you enjoy domination.
And love is nothing but politics sugar-coated, a bitter pill sugar-coated.
You talk about love but the deep desire is to exploit the other. And I am not saying that you are doing it deliberately or consciously. People are falling in love with horses, dogs, animals, machines, things. Why? Because to be in love with human beings has become an utter hell, a continuous conflict -- nagging, always at each other's throats. This is the lowest form of love. Nothing is wrong with it if you can use it as a steppingstone , if you can use it as a meditation.
If you can watch it, if you try to understand it, in that very understanding you will reach another rung, you will start moving upwards. Only at the highest peak, when love is not a relationship any more, when love becomes a state of your being, the lotus opens totally and great perfume is released -- but only at the highest peak. At its lowest, love is just a political relationship. At its highest, love is a religious state of consciousness. I love you too, Buddha loves, Jesus loves, but their love demands nothing in return.
Their love is given for the sheer joy of giving it; it is not a bargain. Hence the radiant beauty of it, hence the transcendental beauty of it. It surpasses all the joys that you have known. When I talk about love, I am talking about love as a state. It is unaddressed: you don't love this person or that person, you simply love. You are love. Rather than saying that you love somebody, it will be better to say you are love. So whosoever is capable of
partaking, can partake.
Whosoever is capable of drinking out of your infinite sources of being, you are available -- you are available unconditionally. That is possible only if love becomes more and more meditative. `Medicine' and `meditation' come from the same root. Love as you know it is a kind of disease: it needs the medicine of meditation. If it passes through meditation, it is purified. And the more purified it is, the more ecstatic.
Nancy was having coffee with Helen.
Nancy asked, "How do you know your husband loves you?"
"He takes out the garbage every morning."
"That's not love. That's good housekeeping."
"My husband gives me all the spending money I need."
"That's not love. That's generosity."
"My husband never looks at other women."
"That's not love. That's poor vision."
"John always opens the door for me."
"That's not love. That's good manners."
"John kisses me even when I've eaten garlic and I have curlers in my hair."
"Now, that's love."
Everybody has their own idea of love. And only when you come to the state where all ideas about love have disappeared, where love is no more an idea but simply your being, then only will you know its freedom. Then love is God. Then love is the ultimate truth. Let your love move through the process of meditation. Watch it: watch the cunning ways of your mind, watch your power-politics. And nothing else except continuous watching and observing is going to help.
When you say something to your woman or your man, look at it: what is the unconscious motive? Why are you saying it? Is there some motive? Then what is it? Be conscious of that motive, bring it to consciousness -- because this is one of the secret keys for transforming your life: anything that becomes conscious disappears. Your motives remain unconscious, that's why you remain in their grip. Make them conscious, bring them to light, and they will disappear.
It is as if you pull up a tree and bring the roots to the sunlight: they will die, they can exist only in the darkness of the soil. Your motives also exist only in the darkness of your unconsciousness. So the only way to transform your love is to bring all the motivations from the unconscious into the conscious. Slowly slowly, those motives will die. And when love is unmotivated, then love is the greatest thing that can ever happen to anybody. Then love is something of the ultimate, of the beyond.
That is the meaning when Jesus says, "God is love." I say to you: Love is God. God can be forgotten, but don't forget love -- because it is the purification of love that will bring you to God. If you forget about God completely, nothing is lost. But don't forget love, because love is the bridge. Love is the process of alchemical change in your consciousness.
Osho
It depends. There are as many loves as there are people. Love is a hierarchy, from the lowest rung to the highest, from sex to superconsciousness. There are many many layers, many planes of love. It all depends on you. If you are existing on the lowest rung, you will have a totally different idea of love than the person who is existing on the highest rung. Adolf Hitler will have one idea of love, Gautam Buddha another; and they will be diametrically opposite, because they are at two extremes.
At the lowest, love is a kind of politics, power politics. Wherever love is contaminated by the idea of domination, it is politics. Whether you call it politics or not is not the question, it is political. And millions of people never know anything about love except this politics -- the politics that exists between husbands and wives, boyfriends and girlfriends. It is politics, the whole thing is political: you want to dominate the other, you enjoy domination.
And love is nothing but politics sugar-coated, a bitter pill sugar-coated.
You talk about love but the deep desire is to exploit the other. And I am not saying that you are doing it deliberately or consciously. People are falling in love with horses, dogs, animals, machines, things. Why? Because to be in love with human beings has become an utter hell, a continuous conflict -- nagging, always at each other's throats. This is the lowest form of love. Nothing is wrong with it if you can use it as a steppingstone , if you can use it as a meditation.
If you can watch it, if you try to understand it, in that very understanding you will reach another rung, you will start moving upwards. Only at the highest peak, when love is not a relationship any more, when love becomes a state of your being, the lotus opens totally and great perfume is released -- but only at the highest peak. At its lowest, love is just a political relationship. At its highest, love is a religious state of consciousness. I love you too, Buddha loves, Jesus loves, but their love demands nothing in return.
Their love is given for the sheer joy of giving it; it is not a bargain. Hence the radiant beauty of it, hence the transcendental beauty of it. It surpasses all the joys that you have known. When I talk about love, I am talking about love as a state. It is unaddressed: you don't love this person or that person, you simply love. You are love. Rather than saying that you love somebody, it will be better to say you are love. So whosoever is capable of
partaking, can partake.
Whosoever is capable of drinking out of your infinite sources of being, you are available -- you are available unconditionally. That is possible only if love becomes more and more meditative. `Medicine' and `meditation' come from the same root. Love as you know it is a kind of disease: it needs the medicine of meditation. If it passes through meditation, it is purified. And the more purified it is, the more ecstatic.
Nancy was having coffee with Helen.
Nancy asked, "How do you know your husband loves you?"
"He takes out the garbage every morning."
"That's not love. That's good housekeeping."
"My husband gives me all the spending money I need."
"That's not love. That's generosity."
"My husband never looks at other women."
"That's not love. That's poor vision."
"John always opens the door for me."
"That's not love. That's good manners."
"John kisses me even when I've eaten garlic and I have curlers in my hair."
"Now, that's love."
Everybody has their own idea of love. And only when you come to the state where all ideas about love have disappeared, where love is no more an idea but simply your being, then only will you know its freedom. Then love is God. Then love is the ultimate truth. Let your love move through the process of meditation. Watch it: watch the cunning ways of your mind, watch your power-politics. And nothing else except continuous watching and observing is going to help.
When you say something to your woman or your man, look at it: what is the unconscious motive? Why are you saying it? Is there some motive? Then what is it? Be conscious of that motive, bring it to consciousness -- because this is one of the secret keys for transforming your life: anything that becomes conscious disappears. Your motives remain unconscious, that's why you remain in their grip. Make them conscious, bring them to light, and they will disappear.
It is as if you pull up a tree and bring the roots to the sunlight: they will die, they can exist only in the darkness of the soil. Your motives also exist only in the darkness of your unconsciousness. So the only way to transform your love is to bring all the motivations from the unconscious into the conscious. Slowly slowly, those motives will die. And when love is unmotivated, then love is the greatest thing that can ever happen to anybody. Then love is something of the ultimate, of the beyond.
That is the meaning when Jesus says, "God is love." I say to you: Love is God. God can be forgotten, but don't forget love -- because it is the purification of love that will bring you to God. If you forget about God completely, nothing is lost. But don't forget love, because love is the bridge. Love is the process of alchemical change in your consciousness.
Osho
Lovers
Lovers share a sacred decree –
to seek the Beloved.
They roll head over heels,
rushing toward the Beautiful One
like a torrent of water.
In truth, everyone is a shadow of the Beloved –
Our seeking is His seeking,
Our words are His words.
At times we flow toward the Beloved
like a dancing stream.
At times we are still water
held in His pitcher.
At times we boil in a pot
turning to vapor –
that is the job of the Beloved.
He breathes into my ear
until my soul
takes on His fragrance.
He is the soul of my soul –
How can I escape?
But why would any soul in this world
want to escape from the Beloved?
He will melt your pride
making you thin as a strand of hair,
Yet do not trade, even for both worlds,
One strand of His hair.
We search for Him here and there
while looking right at Him.
Sitting by His side we ask,
"O Beloved, where is the Beloved?"
Enough with such questions! –
Let silence take you to the core of life.
All your talk is worthless
When compared to one whisper
of the Beloved.
~Rumi
Translated by Jonathan Star & Shahram Shiva
A Garden Beyond Paradise
Old Cougar School announcent. (For my scrap-blog/scrap-book)
COUGAR SCHOOL my first soft-core feature for HBO, Dec 4th
Current mood: excited
~ Be sure to catch INDIA SUMMER'S Soft-Core feature film debut in "COUGAR SCHOOL" premiering on HBO/CINEMAX Saturday December 4th, 2009.
That's a copy of a post one of my agents posted on my Facebook profile. I'd like to watch it myself, but I'll be shooting for Girlfriends Films all day and then performing in a comedy ("It's Just Sex") on stage Saturday night! Let me know how it turned out if you see it! Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that small "b" is really just capitol "P" doing a head stand and that small "d" is Capitol "P" doing a reverse head stand. Capitol P is so flexible and versatile. I say Capital "P" should be on our next Olympic Gymnastics team.
This joke was brought to you by me, but I think Sesame Street should use it.
Love, India
Current mood: excited
~ Be sure to catch INDIA SUMMER'S Soft-Core feature film debut in "COUGAR SCHOOL" premiering on HBO/CINEMAX Saturday December 4th, 2009.
That's a copy of a post one of my agents posted on my Facebook profile. I'd like to watch it myself, but I'll be shooting for Girlfriends Films all day and then performing in a comedy ("It's Just Sex") on stage Saturday night! Let me know how it turned out if you see it! Also, I have a sneaking suspicion that small "b" is really just capitol "P" doing a head stand and that small "d" is Capitol "P" doing a reverse head stand. Capitol P is so flexible and versatile. I say Capital "P" should be on our next Olympic Gymnastics team.
This joke was brought to you by me, but I think Sesame Street should use it.
Love, India
Diary blog/ list of noms from (last years) 2010 AVN
This summary is not available. Please
click here to view the post.
3 Types of Laughter
3 Types of Laughter
It has to be understood that there are three types of laughter. The first is when you laugh at someone else. This is the meanest, the lowest, the most ordinary and vulgar when you laugh at the expense of somebody else. This is the violent, the aggressive, the insulting type Deep down this laughter there is always a feeling of revenge.
”The second type of laughter is when you laugh at yourself. This is worth achieving. This is cultured. And this man is valuable who can laugh at himself. He has risen above vulgarity. He has risen above lowly instincts – hatred, aggression, violence.
”And the third is the last – the highest. This is not about anybody – neither the other nor oneself. The third is just Cosmic. You laugh at the whole situation as it is. The whole situation, as it is, is absurd – no purpose in the future, no beginning in the beginning. The whole situation of Existence is such that if you can see the Whole – such a great infinite vastness moving toward no fixed purpose, no goal – laughter will arise. So much is going on without leading anywhere; nobody is there in the past to create it; nobody is there in the end to finish it.
Such is whole Cosmos – moving so beautifully, so systematically, so rationally. If you can see this whole Cosmos, then a laughter is inevitable. ”I have heard about three monks. No names are mentioned, because they never disclosed their names to anybody. They never answered anything.
In China, they are simply known as the three laughing monks. And they did only one thing: they would enter a village, stand in the market place and start laughing. They would laugh with their whole being and suddenly people would become aware. Then others would also get the infection and a crowd would gather. The whole crowd would start laughing just because of them. What was happening? The whole town would get involved. Then they would move to another town. ”They were loved very much. That was their only sermon, their only message; that laugh. And they would not teach; they would simply create a situation.
”Then it happened that they became famous all over the country. Three laughing monks. All of China loved them, respected them. Nobody had ever preached in such a way that life must be just a laughter and nothing else. They were not laughing at anyone in particular. They were simply laughing as if they had understood the Cosmic joke. And they spread so much joy all over China without using a single word. People would ask for their names, but they would simply laugh. So that became their name – the three laughing monks.
”Then they grew old. And while staying in one village. one of the three monks died. The whole village became very much expectant because they thought that when one of them had died, the other two would surely weep. This must be worth seeing because no one had ever seen these people weeping. The whole village gathered. But the two monks were standing beside the corpse of the third and laughing – such a belly laugh. So the villagers asked them to explain this.
”So for the first time, the two monks spoke and said, ’We are laughing because this man has won. We were always wondering as to who would die first and this man has defeated us. We are laughing at our defeat and his victory. Also he lived with us for many years and we laughed together and we enjoyed each other’s togetherness, presence. There can be no better way of giving him the last send off. We can only laugh.
”But the whole village was sad. And when the dead monk’s body was put on the funeral pyre, then the village realized that the remaining two monks were not the only ones who were joking, the third who was dead was also laughing. He had asked his companions not to change his clothes. It was conventional that when a man died they changed his dress and gave a bath to the body. So the third monk had said, ’Don’t give me a bath because I have never been unclean. So much laughter has been in my life that no impurity can accumulate, can come to me. I have not gathered any dust.
Laughter is always young and fresh. So don’t give me a bath and don’t change my clothes.’ ”So just to respect his wishes, they did not change his clothes. And when the body was put to fire, suddenly they became aware that he had hidden some Chinese fire-works under his clothes and they had started going off. So the whole village laughed and the other two monks said: ’You rascal, you are dead, but you have defeated us once again. Your laughter is the last.’
”There is a Cosmic laughter which comes into being when the whole joke of this Cosmos is understood. That is of the highest. And only a Buddha can laugh like that. These three monks must have been three Buddhas. But if you can laugh the second type of laughter, that is also worth trying. Avoid the first. Don’t laugh at anyone’s expense. That is ugly and violent. If you want to laugh, then laugh at yourself.
”That’s why Mulla Nasruddin, in all his jokes and stories, always proves himself the stupid one, never anybody else. He always laughs at himself and allows you to laugh at him. He never puts anybody else in the situation of being foolish. Sufis say that Mulla Nasrudin is the wise fool. Learn at least that much – the second laughter.
”If you can learn the second, then the third will not be far ahead. Soon you will reach the third. But leave the first type. That laughter is degrading. But almost ninety-nine percent of your laughter is of the first type. Much courage is needed to laugh at oneself. Much confidence is needed to laugh at oneself.
”For the spiritual seeker, even laughter should become a part of Sadhana. Remember to avoid the first type of laughter. Remember to laugh the second. And remember to reach the third.”
Osho
I plead guilty to all 3! But I am trying to do less of #1. India Summer
It has to be understood that there are three types of laughter. The first is when you laugh at someone else. This is the meanest, the lowest, the most ordinary and vulgar when you laugh at the expense of somebody else. This is the violent, the aggressive, the insulting type Deep down this laughter there is always a feeling of revenge.
”The second type of laughter is when you laugh at yourself. This is worth achieving. This is cultured. And this man is valuable who can laugh at himself. He has risen above vulgarity. He has risen above lowly instincts – hatred, aggression, violence.
”And the third is the last – the highest. This is not about anybody – neither the other nor oneself. The third is just Cosmic. You laugh at the whole situation as it is. The whole situation, as it is, is absurd – no purpose in the future, no beginning in the beginning. The whole situation of Existence is such that if you can see the Whole – such a great infinite vastness moving toward no fixed purpose, no goal – laughter will arise. So much is going on without leading anywhere; nobody is there in the past to create it; nobody is there in the end to finish it.
Such is whole Cosmos – moving so beautifully, so systematically, so rationally. If you can see this whole Cosmos, then a laughter is inevitable. ”I have heard about three monks. No names are mentioned, because they never disclosed their names to anybody. They never answered anything.
In China, they are simply known as the three laughing monks. And they did only one thing: they would enter a village, stand in the market place and start laughing. They would laugh with their whole being and suddenly people would become aware. Then others would also get the infection and a crowd would gather. The whole crowd would start laughing just because of them. What was happening? The whole town would get involved. Then they would move to another town. ”They were loved very much. That was their only sermon, their only message; that laugh. And they would not teach; they would simply create a situation.
”Then it happened that they became famous all over the country. Three laughing monks. All of China loved them, respected them. Nobody had ever preached in such a way that life must be just a laughter and nothing else. They were not laughing at anyone in particular. They were simply laughing as if they had understood the Cosmic joke. And they spread so much joy all over China without using a single word. People would ask for their names, but they would simply laugh. So that became their name – the three laughing monks.
”Then they grew old. And while staying in one village. one of the three monks died. The whole village became very much expectant because they thought that when one of them had died, the other two would surely weep. This must be worth seeing because no one had ever seen these people weeping. The whole village gathered. But the two monks were standing beside the corpse of the third and laughing – such a belly laugh. So the villagers asked them to explain this.
”So for the first time, the two monks spoke and said, ’We are laughing because this man has won. We were always wondering as to who would die first and this man has defeated us. We are laughing at our defeat and his victory. Also he lived with us for many years and we laughed together and we enjoyed each other’s togetherness, presence. There can be no better way of giving him the last send off. We can only laugh.
”But the whole village was sad. And when the dead monk’s body was put on the funeral pyre, then the village realized that the remaining two monks were not the only ones who were joking, the third who was dead was also laughing. He had asked his companions not to change his clothes. It was conventional that when a man died they changed his dress and gave a bath to the body. So the third monk had said, ’Don’t give me a bath because I have never been unclean. So much laughter has been in my life that no impurity can accumulate, can come to me. I have not gathered any dust.
Laughter is always young and fresh. So don’t give me a bath and don’t change my clothes.’ ”So just to respect his wishes, they did not change his clothes. And when the body was put to fire, suddenly they became aware that he had hidden some Chinese fire-works under his clothes and they had started going off. So the whole village laughed and the other two monks said: ’You rascal, you are dead, but you have defeated us once again. Your laughter is the last.’
”There is a Cosmic laughter which comes into being when the whole joke of this Cosmos is understood. That is of the highest. And only a Buddha can laugh like that. These three monks must have been three Buddhas. But if you can laugh the second type of laughter, that is also worth trying. Avoid the first. Don’t laugh at anyone’s expense. That is ugly and violent. If you want to laugh, then laugh at yourself.
”That’s why Mulla Nasruddin, in all his jokes and stories, always proves himself the stupid one, never anybody else. He always laughs at himself and allows you to laugh at him. He never puts anybody else in the situation of being foolish. Sufis say that Mulla Nasrudin is the wise fool. Learn at least that much – the second laughter.
”If you can learn the second, then the third will not be far ahead. Soon you will reach the third. But leave the first type. That laughter is degrading. But almost ninety-nine percent of your laughter is of the first type. Much courage is needed to laugh at oneself. Much confidence is needed to laugh at oneself.
”For the spiritual seeker, even laughter should become a part of Sadhana. Remember to avoid the first type of laughter. Remember to laugh the second. And remember to reach the third.”
Osho
I plead guilty to all 3! But I am trying to do less of #1. India Summer
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