Deviated Sphincter Monkees

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Deviated Sphincter Monkees

Current mood: giggly

I've seen the old black and white film clips of reporters constantly asking the Beatles (when they were first having hit records) how long they thought they would last? Another way they would say it is, "How long until the bubble bursts?" And or "What are you going to do after the bubble bursts?" Paul would answer that he thought John and himself would go on writing songs for a living. Ringo said he wanted to start a hairdressing boutique or a chain of them and I think George Harrison said he wanted to be a flying carpet pilot for India Airways or a floating sitar player.

Anyway...I was thinking about it for myself and when I woke this morning it was clear to me. I am going to manage a band. Yeah that's right. A folk-punk-surf-billy band made up of 4 former porn girls and anal starlets under the age of 30 who are unable to do porn anymore because of their deviated sphincters.

Imagine this...they're all wearing adult depends on stage because anytime they laugh , or jump or thrash or sing hard, there is a palpable chance that they will also be shitting in their diaper. You know when those rock and rollers and punkers scream and make those intense stage faces...like they want to eat a live baby or something? Just think... whenever that happens with my group "The Deviated Sphincter Monkees" you'll wonder...is the singer just being intense or downloadin' a job in her poopy pants??

Title of their first hit? "The Hershey Squirts" It's cool, you can dance to it. Dance, dance in your poppy pants. If you listen closely you can hear a lot of juicy fart sounds buried in the mix.

I'm hoping to book them into clubs where they can play topless, but if not we will just use gauze to wrap around their breastesses. If I can't find four girls with musical talent and deviated sphincters, I'm willing to make it a coed group using a couple guys from gay porn who have deviated their sphincters.

Yeah...that's what I'll do when I "retire"...


So I hear that fucking asshole John Edwards (who I actually supported for President one time in a galaxy far far away) has a great big cock! They say when you see it you say "whoa!" (I knew there must have been some reason I was attracted to him!) I guess he has a sex tape too. So I'll be expecting to hear he's signed a deal with Vivid any moment.

In other news... Hung out all day yesterday with my girlfriend and former house mate Shawna Lenee on set at HBO. We're pals. We are shooting an erotic movie together for them today and tomorrow unfortunately we don't have a love scene together....but between the two of us, we love up everyone else!


India Summer